10 Ways to Spot a Liar

22 July 2008

It should be said that women were given a sixth sense for a reason. “Women’s intuition” is not just an urban myth so if your gut is telling you that your man is lying then he most likely is. But if you’re looking for a little more justification than just a funny feeling, here are some experts’ tips:

1. Good liars will often have a quick and smooth response and use tactics that will redirect attention back to you or incite some kind of emotional response in you that can divert attention away from them and the lie,” said Manhattan-based clinical psychologist, J.Cilona. “Most other people might fumble a bit or show embarrassment. This is sign that they are not so sophisticated a liar and perhaps just made a bad choice.”

2. Dr. Eddy Kloprogge of FreudTV says you can detect lies by the way a person is smiling. “Forced smiles are easy to spot since they involved the muscles around the mouth,” said Kloprogge. “In a real smile, more facial muscles besides the mouth are involved. A dead giveaway is tightening around the eyes, which sometimes causes crows’ feet.”

3. Dr. Eddy also believes the behavior of other body parts can be a dead giveaway on whether or not a person is telling the truth. If their arms, legs, or hands are stiff and self-directed then they’re most likely lying. “The hands may touch or scratch their face, nose or behind an ear, but are not likely to touch their chest or heart with an open hand.”

4. “Be aware that sometimes men lie because their lady forces them to,” said Daylle Deanna Schwartz, author of Nice Girls Can Finish First. “If you’re overly possessive or jealous or have rules he doesn’t agree with, he may lie to avoid an unpleasant situation.”

5. Be a pseudo detective and check out his story – not by stalking him but by taking time to think through what he tells you. “Many liars are big at making up stories and they believe in being very dramatic. In the end, though, their stories just don’t add up,” said Coy Long, CEO oh Hotlanta Matchmakers.

6. Long also warns that a person who is lying will often times rapidly change the topic of conversation to try and throw the other person off. “They also get really defensive and their tone of voice is inconsistent with their body movements.”

7. Dr. J. Cilona tells people to be very aware of the other person’s answers and body language. “Many people pick up on subtleties without being totally aware of them and new research even shows that we can actually smell fear in the perspiration of others. These kinds of cues are often out of our awareness and get labeled as a feeling or intuition. Consider this to be one of the most important reasons for concern.”

8. Language and word usage can be a telltale sign for liars, according to Kloprogge, who tells clients to be conscious of the other person’s word choice. If they’re repeating your own exact words when answering a question or avoiding direct statements and answers they’re probably not being honest.

9. Answers drenched in humor or sarcasm is an indication that they’re trying to avoid a subject – a big no, no.

10. Silence truly is golden. Kloprogge advises to allow total quiet into the conversation as it will give you a chance to observe their reaction. A person who is lying will most likely become very uncomfortable and restless when there is a pause in conversation.

source: lovingyou

Posted by ellicec at Tuesday, July 22, 2008 0 comments  

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50 Universal Truths About Men

29 June 2008

1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.
2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.
4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.
6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.
8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.
10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.
11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.
14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.
15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.
17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a woman.
18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.
19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I’ve listened to you talk about what is important to you.
21. The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.
22. You look hot in a dress.
23. I hate being told what to do when I don't ask for help. It makes me feel like you're my mother.
24. If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I'm less motivated.
25. During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.
26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?
27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
30. I want every man to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.
31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.
32. I hate it when you minimize, ignore or tell me I don’t mean my compliments. It makes me want to stop giving them.
33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.
35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – go with my actions – that will always tell you what’s in my heart.
37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something (like a favor).
38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.
39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking, it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.
40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.
41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.
42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.
43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
45. It isn’t how much you weigh, it’s that your body is proportionate, which is so attractive.
46. Sometimes I have weird, strange or very sexual thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).
47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.
48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

Posted by ellicec at Sunday, June 29, 2008 0 comments  

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4 Women Men Avoid

20 June 2008

The Needy Little Girl

This woman is every man’s worst fear. This type of woman is whiney and frequently verbalizes how desperate she is to get married. What is so frightening about this type of woman is that men can’t often identify her until they are well into a relationship.

Initially, this type of woman appears to be independent. She has been told that she is clingy or needy and often overcompensates by trying to be ultra independent.

However, once she is in a relationship and feels safe, her neediness begins to manifest.

TIP: Ironically, these women would do better to allow men to see some vulnerability right away, which is actually what most men expect, rather than give to everyone else but themselves and then expect a man to make up for their empty feelings.

The Man Hater, Witch (or other like words)

This type is different from all the others in one aspect. Most men will give this type of woman more of a chance and try and win her over, simply because she is a challenge.

Because of her strength (anger), most men don’t want to be in a committed relationship with her (and forget marriage), but they are intrigued with her perceived strength and view it as a conquest if they can get this type into bed.

This type of woman has the competitiveness of a man and the sensitivity of a woman. In an instant, she can switch from being very seductive to emotionally distant.
Put simply, she uses her hatred for men as a shield to avoid being hurt……again.

TIP: These women tend to be very guarded against getting hurt. In relationships, when they do give their heart to a man, they often allow the relationship to proceed too fast, which frequently overwhelms most men. The most important thing they need to learn is how to s-l-o-w-l-y allow a man to capture their heart.

The Career Queen

The common myth is that men are threatened by successful women. Actually, like most myths, there is an element of truth to this, which makes it so appealing. Men are not “threatened” by successful women as much as they feel that a successful woman doesn’t need them.

I have counseled many single, professional women who have told me, “I make good money, own my own house and have a wonderful social life. I don’t need a man to make me happy.” My reply to them is often, “Then why would any man want to be with you? What could he possibly contribute to your life when you are self-sufficient and self-fulfilled?”

Granted, men don’t want a woman who is totally dependent on them, but it is flattering to a man when a confident woman allows herself to depend on them, versus when they don’t appear to need a man at all.

TIP: Most men want to be the center of a woman’s interest, whether that is fair or not, and don’t want her devotion to work placed above her devotion to him.

The Motor Mouth

From a man’s perspective, a talkative woman isn’t good or bad. There is a perception that women use thousands more words per day than men. What most articles fail to mention is that this depends on the topic of conversation.

If the subject is sports, most men will talk a lot more than a woman will. Should the conversation change to something feminine, such as a friend’s baby, the woman will inevitably use more words.

Most women are accused of being too talkative when, in actuality, they are speaking more simply because they are discussing a subject that has great interest to them, not just because “women talk more.”

In addition, most men aren’t good at talking over each other, the way women do effortlessly with their girlfriends. In a woman’s world, I speak, you speak, and everyone speaks together. Just join in the conversation whenever the mood strikes you.

In the world of men, that is considered rude because men view conversation the same as “having the floor” of a debate. In other words, when he speaks, it’s his turn to speak and he is not to be interrupted until he’s done. Now that’s a little overdone, but not far from the truth.

Therefore, when a woman asks a man a question and he proceeds to answer her – and then she begins to interject her opinions for the next 10 minutes – he’ll just quit trying.

TIP: Men aren’t that different from women. Excessive talking is actually a form of conversation hogging. Don’t dominate the conversation unless you know it’s a topic that interests him.

source: relationshipheadquarters.com

Posted by ellicec at Friday, June 20, 2008 0 comments  

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How to Love

01 June 2008




Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

Steps

  1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
  2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
  3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
  4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you, do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
  5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.

Tips

  • It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
  • There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
  • You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
  • Sometimes love is all we need
    Sometimes love is all we need
    As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
  • Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
  • Realize that love is a feeling that wikiHow can describe and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
  • Do things that make the other person feel good and happy, but do not smother them with gifts and attention.
  • Consider some tips about what people in love do.
    • People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavour to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
    • Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
    • Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
    • People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
    • People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
    • People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
    • People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.
    • People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.
    • People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
    • People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
  • Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.


Warnings

  • You must love yourself before you can love another.
  • There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
  • Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
  • If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
  • The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
  • You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to.
  • If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, make sure that your suspicions are grounded in reality. If you hurt your partner as a result of undeserved mistrust, he/she may end up doubting both your love for them and theirs for you.
  • Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love, not because you want it from your partner.
  • Do not force love - it will come in good time, it definetily will come.
source: wikihow

Posted by ellicec at Sunday, June 01, 2008 0 comments  

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How to Define Love

31 May 2008


“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, per least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul.

[edit]
Steps

  1. The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word. For example, love is:
    1. A strong positive emotion of; affection or pleasure; e.g, "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
    2. Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking: "The theater was her first love". "I love French food".
    3. Beloved: a beloved person; used as a term of endearment.
    4. A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; e.g., "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
    5. A score of zero in tennis or squash: "It was 40-love!"
    6. Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months".
  2. Love is characterized by the desire to want good things for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you can hardly breathe when you're around them. Even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever, it's as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss.
  3. The Greeks defined love in four categories:
    1. Agape love is unconditional love. It is love by "choice" even if you are not pleased. A good example is "God loves us with our faults."
    2. Philia love is the dispassionate virtuous love, guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
    3. Storge is the word for family love and the physical show of "affection", the need for physical touch. Sometimes the love between exceptional friends. See also: WikiPedia:Storge
    4. Eros is the physical "sexual" desire, intercourse. It is the root word of erotic, and eroticism.
  4. Define love by thinking of what it means to you. Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
  5. Be aware of moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
  6. Consider your motives, what are you each getting from the situation, especially if it is progressing too quickly.
  7. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change (is it just attraction).
  8. Capture your feelings in metaphors, poetry or songs. "Love is like..."
  9. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed as having three parts, triangularly. There are three key components:
    1. Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
    2. Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
    3. Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
  10. Expressing love may start as flirting with smiles, winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usuallyinfatuation at this point, approaching with curiosity by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
  11. Thrill as the person in love having little else of such interest in the real world, food may taste bland, concentrating has become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while musing about the person seems a most engaging thing to do.
    • This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
  12. Deeply in love--never scientifically proven to exist--it is thought that one can only be really in love with one person at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling of love in two sources: "twice-at-once" sounds impossible!
    • Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness, or in some cases where love isn't present, influenza.
  13. Endure for a time. Time does seem to be the only healer in the case of lost love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
  14. Love forever (especially in literature)--it is forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path of true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
    • Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
    • Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am".
  15. Allow yourself to think so you may choose why, where and when to find your life partner not just for simple breeding or survival of the fittest, but in order for developing and choosing as human beings not just feeling beings.
  16. Share your love and spread it on through new generations, so while love lasts eternally, your mark upon humanity is also forever through your children and children's children; you make your mark by your genetic codes, understandings and teachings continuing--passed on and developed forevermore!
    • This eternal possibility is a gift, not just dedication; you have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness.
    • Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.


[edit]
Tips

  • There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, an ideal, and people accepting nothing below this instead of doing real life compromises makes us lonely - a major factor being mass-media. However, not being happy can be good, it provides always another goal to go forward. But not being happy is opposite to being in love, isn't it? Choose your own fine grain, instead of chasing an ideal.
  • For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
  • For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)


Spiritually Speaking

  • It is also said that love is one of God's greatest, most complex creations, and even that "God is love!"
  • What greater love is there than one would risk or give his life for a stranger, but in this way God is said to have proven His love for you, while you (everyone) were still strangers to God: He provided a way for us to receive His love by grace and through faith--freely so no one may brag.


[edit]
Warnings

  • Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
  • You can't love others until you learn to love yourself First.
  • People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love. Unconditional love does not care about that thou. If you are going to be selfish and care about yourself you will never be in love - see commitments.
  • Remember there are levels of love. Choices that two people take while living together are not LOVE choices, but RELATIONSHIP choices. Love itself is not a choice - you can never choose if or how much you love a person. Acting like multiple grades of being an asshole, that's a complete different issue.
  • "Love is not a feeling, it's an ability." - careful, this is an idealist quote without any substance, just random nice words
  • Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.
    • source: wikihow

Posted by ellicec at Saturday, May 31, 2008 0 comments  

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