What is LOVE?

08 March 2009

... is like standing on the edge of a very dangerous

but breathtaking cliff, you can't decide if

your gonna leave where it's safe,

or you'll just stand there, unmindful of the danger,

because you don't want to lose sight of the view.

How to Show Your Wife or Husband That You Truly Love Them

27 January 2009

In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don't let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.

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Steps

1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.
2. 
   Find out your partner's preferred "Love Language." Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner's.
3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, "My heart expands when you walk into the room" or "I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile." Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don't just say something, do something.
4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it.
5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse.
6. 
   Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn't have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don't be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse's weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too.

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Tips

• You can make mistakes in loving-which is why forgiveness is such a vital part of your loving actions toward your spouse. If you are forgiving, you are more likely to be forgiven.
• Take your partner out to different places such as out for dinners, movies, or vacation.
• Remember, service and love are inherently connected. Whatever you know your partners needs, that is what you should be doing to love him or her. The moment you start insisting on your way or doing whatyou want, you have stopped loving your spouse.

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Warnings

• If you want to have a healthy relationship, discover more ways to express your love. Use warmth, kindness, compassion, humour, presence, truthfulness, sharing, and sexiness. Open up your senses for fun and your communication strategies for success by using principles of reciprocity, compassion, and equanimity. Always be courteous, fair, and truthful, and the interaction with your partner will flourish.
• To have staying power and build a healthy relationship, stay present to your connection to your loved one. Be creative and discover love together.

source: wikihow

How to Love

01 June 2008

Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

Steps

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you, do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.

Tips

• 
  It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
• There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
• You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
• 

  

  Sometimes love is all we need
  As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
• Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
• Realize that love is a feeling that wikiHow can describe and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
• Do things that make the other person feel good and happy, but do not smother them with gifts and attention.
• Consider some tips about what people in love do.
  • People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavour to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
  • Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
  • Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
  • People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
  • People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
  • People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
  • People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.
  • People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.
  • People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
  • People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
• Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody who you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.

Warnings

• You must love yourself before you can love another.
• There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
• Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
• If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
• The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
• You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to.
• If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, make sure that your suspicions are grounded in reality. If you hurt your partner as a result of undeserved mistrust, he/she may end up doubting both your love for them and theirs for you.
• Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love, not because you want it from your partner.
• Do not force love - it will come in good time, it definetily will come.

source: wikihow

How to Define Love

31 May 2008

“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”

— Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, per least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul.

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Steps

1. The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word. For example, love is:
   1. A strong positive emotion of; affection or pleasure; e.g, "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
   2. Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking: "The theater was her first love". "I love French food".
   3. Beloved: a beloved person; used as a term of endearment.
   4. A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; e.g., "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
   5. A score of zero in tennis or squash: "It was 40-love!"
   6. Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months".
2. Love is characterized by the desire to want good things for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you can hardly breathe when you're around them. Even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever, it's as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss.
3. The Greeks defined love in four categories:
   1. Agape love is unconditional love. It is love by "choice" even if you are not pleased. A good example is "God loves us with our faults."
   2. Philia love is the dispassionate virtuous love, guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
   3. Storge is the word for family love and the physical show of "affection", the need for physical touch. Sometimes the love between exceptional friends. See also: WikiPedia:Storge
   4. Eros is the physical "sexual" desire, intercourse. It is the root word of erotic, and eroticism.
4. Define love by thinking of what it means to you. Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
5. Be aware of moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
6. Consider your motives, what are you each getting from the situation, especially if it is progressing too quickly.
7. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change (is it just attraction).
8. Capture your feelings in metaphors, poetry or songs. "Love is like..."
9. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed as having three parts, triangularly. There are three key components:
   1. Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
   2. Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
   3. Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
10. Expressing love may start as flirting with smiles, winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usuallyinfatuation at this point, approaching with curiosity by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
11. Thrill as the person in love having little else of such interest in the real world, food may taste bland, concentrating has become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while musing about the person seems a most engaging thing to do.
    • This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
12. Deeply in love--never scientifically proven to exist--it is thought that one can only be really in love with one person at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling of love in two sources: "twice-at-once" sounds impossible!
    • Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness, or in some cases where love isn't present, influenza.
13. Endure for a time. Time does seem to be the only healer in the case of lost love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
14. Love forever (especially in literature)--it is forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path of true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
    • Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
    • Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am".
15. Allow yourself to think so you may choose why, where and when to find your life partner not just for simple breeding or survival of the fittest, but in order for developing and choosing as human beings not just feeling beings.
16. Share your love and spread it on through new generations, so while love lasts eternally, your mark upon humanity is also forever through your children and children's children; you make your mark by your genetic codes, understandings and teachings continuing--passed on and developed forevermore!
    • This eternal possibility is a gift, not just dedication; you have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness.
    • Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.

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Tips

• There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, an ideal, and people accepting nothing below this instead of doing real life compromises makes us lonely - a major factor being mass-media. However, not being happy can be good, it provides always another goal to go forward. But not being happy is opposite to being in love, isn't it? Choose your own fine grain, instead of chasing an ideal.
• For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
• For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)

Spiritually Speaking

• It is also said that love is one of God's greatest, most complex creations, and even that "God is love!"
• What greater love is there than one would risk or give his life for a stranger, but in this way God is said to have proven His love for you, while you (everyone) were still strangers to God: He provided a way for us to receive His love by grace and through faith--freely so no one may brag.

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Warnings

• Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
• You can't love others until you learn to love yourself First.
• People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love. Unconditional love does not care about that thou. If you are going to be selfish and care about yourself you will never be in love - see commitments.
• Remember there are levels of love. Choices that two people take while living together are not LOVE choices, but RELATIONSHIP choices. Love itself is not a choice - you can never choose if or how much you love a person. Acting like multiple grades of being an asshole, that's a complete different issue.
• "Love is not a feeling, it's an ability." - careful, this is an idealist quote without any substance, just random nice words
• Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.
source: wikihow