09 February 2009

How to Be a Good Wife

You want to be a wonderful wife, but what does that mean? Well, ultimately, it's up to you and your husband to determine the needs of your relationship and how each partner can do their part to fulfill them--and here are some special guidelines to start off.

[edit]Steps

1. 

   
   Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.
2. Express your feelings and needs, Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so--but don't accuse your husband of things. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly to discuss your needs and goals: including discussing family considerations, about having children and how each member lives his or her faith and beliefs. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.
3. 

   
   Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
4. Pick your battles. Like many battles, you need not be the combatant, nor the only combatant. Many better tools are available: subtle manipulation of the site of battle, the timing, the physical presence of allies, secret or subtle negotiators, "physical" or other types of gifts (including tape or video-recordings). You have a wide choice before intervening directly, on a secret, solitary confrontation.
   • Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.
5. Offer sex frequently... (if appropriate; There are many causes which may warrant caution on shared, mutually experienced sexuality: illness, age, disability, cultural or religious clashes, and undiagnosed or hidden psychiatric disorders.)
   • To most men, this is the most crucial area of their marriage and defines the tone of their relationship with their wife. If you doubt this or are not sure if this applies to your man, try reading the next 3 paragraphs to him and watch is head nod, his eyes light up and his entire face smile.
   • Most men have deep emotional (and physical) desires and needs associated with sex and your willingness to approach him often is crucial to his happiness and your marital success. Many men would like to have sex every day; for some men, once a week is enough. Most normal, healthy men are pleased with 2 to 4 times a week. (this of course varies with every man, ask yours what he likes!)
   • Consider trying especially interesting lovemaking at least once a week, including taking the time to push him for a second (or third) round. Normal, healthy men do require a “recovery time” before they can achieve erection and climax again, but with the right kind of stimulation, this can usually be done.
   • Without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a man can and will become dissatisfied, grumpy, and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger. On the other hand, if you offer sex to your man frequently and he will be content, kind, gentle and eager to please you in any way possible.
   • section references....*^[1]*^[2]*^[3]
6. 

   
   Keep your sex life interesting. Ensure you discuss your sex life with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as emotional intimacy. Nurture them both. Skin contact is our largest sense organ, so "physical" is not necessarily sexual.
7. 

   
   Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.
8. Be stress relief, not a source of stress Men (and women) deal with stress all day and every day. They deal with stress at work, and at home. Do what you can to help him deal with the stress of every day life, and do what you can not to add to it.

[edit]Tips

• Don't criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together.
• Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them. "Damning with faint praise" and publically praising the positive qualities of another person where your partner is deficient is crticising him.
• Some couples may find guidance in defining the role of a wife through their faith:
  • For many Christians their faith is important for both of them as a good wife and loving husband to fulfill.
  • Whether you're Buddhist, Islamic, Jewish, Agnostic, Christian or Wiccan it is important for you to discuss your faith together. It is not necessary to finalize this nor every discussion. Years and decades later the "issue" may seemingly or really disappear by itself, since environments and people change over time.

[edit]Warnings

• If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. Talk things out or see a counselor. If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember--he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again and again - and the violence escalates each time. Read How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.
source: wikihow

How to Be a Great Husband

02 February 2009

Balancing the load

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife, every marriage is different. But, there aresome common issues that many married couples face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband..

[edit]

Steps

1. Be romantic. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
   
   
   • Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your partner wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
   • Treat your partner like they're single, like you're trying to earn their affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done with.
   • There are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways.
2. Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Let her know it is much more than just sex. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women. Don't use sex to apologize. Apologize first, then see what happens!
3. Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment.Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It's not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both be better off.
4. Don't brush your wife off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
5. Communicate. Do not talk their ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, they are made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you're talking to them. If you ask them a question, ask them because you really want to know. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells them that they can tell you anything. Make them feel safe.
6. Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive--a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are nice gestures.
7. Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up "100" percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on or phoney.
8. Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half".
9. Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.
10. Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
11. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.

[edit]

Tips

• When she's upset, listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it, and don't get defensive. Just listen, and show her that you are trying to understand. If she is upset with you, don't just try to give her a hug like nothing happened. If you approach her like you understand what she is saying, that you will try harder (really mean it), and that it will be alright she will be willing to accept your gesture more easily.
• Don't try to "fix" everything. Men are fixers, but women don't want us to fix everything. They sometimes need to do that themselves and just need you to listen.
• Husbands and Wives live together but make sure you spend enough quality time together. This means laughing, talking, just having fun together. Make her see that wherever you are you feel like home when you are with her.
• Praise your wife in public, but if you notice something you'd like to comment on, please find a private moment. Don't criticize! Make concerns known in a diplomatic positive way. It is VERY important to women about how they look to other people. Do Not make her look like the "bad guy" or that there is something you don't agree with(even if there is). The appropriate time to discuss those matters is when it is just the two of you, not in front of people when she will be embarrassed. In public make sure everyone around you knows she is your girl! Hold hands whenever possible, kiss, hug, a tap on the butt, etc. To her you are letting everyone know you're off the market.
• Be aware that she may not perceive love the same way you do. Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, Verbal Affirmation, and Acts of Service are the different "Love Languages" you and your wife might have -- make sure you find out what hers is, and speak her "love language"!
• Discuss your financial dreams together and research and plan to achieve them together.
• Tell her what you think, don't assume she knows. When you think she looks nice, tell her, when you are thinking you are lucky for having her, tell her. She does not assume these thing to be true & needs to be reminded often.

[edit]

Warnings

• Do not go overboard. A great husband is not an obsessive or smothering one.
• Some women need more attention than others.Some would rather hang out with their friends, While other's the husband is their best friend.

source: wikihow

How to Show Your Wife or Husband That You Truly Love Them

27 January 2009

In the excitement of a new romance, it seems easy and natural to communicate your love for the other person. After marriage, however, many couples settle into a routine in which one or both partners feel as though they are taken for granted. Don't let another day go by without reinforcing your love for your spouse. Follow these steps to show your partner how much you really love them.

[edit]

Steps

1. Remember, love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. True love requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.
2. 
   Find out your partner's preferred "Love Language." Do they know you love them when you speak words of love? Or maybe they feel loved by your acts of service? Some people feel loved by receiving little gifts, and others by loving touches. Real love is not based on your preference but your partner's.
3. Speak your love. Clear communication will let your partner know how much you love them. Speaking from your experience is a way of sharing yourself so that your partner can hear it. You might say, "My heart expands when you walk into the room" or "I think about you throughout my day, and each time I do, I smile." Say whatever is true. Remember that actions often speak louder than words; don't just say something, do something.
4. Show your love through your actions, such as drawing a bath, giving a massage, doing the dishes, or writing a poem. Choose an action that you know your partner will appreciate. Remember, denying yourself never means doing things begrudgingly. If you communicate the desire not to do something loving, you may as well not be doing it.
5. Spend time being present with your partner. (This is often the least used, but the most powerful form of loving.) Turn off the phone, the TV, computer, and the radio and sit together allowing yourselves to experience each other. Being present with your husband or wife obviously provides the opportunity to serve him or her, so be available to love your spouse.
6. 
   Speak the truth. Telling your partner the truth is a loving thing to do because it shows trust and respect. The truth doesn't have to be positive to be meaningful. It just needs to be true. Show your spouse unconditional love, but not unconditional acceptance. Don't be caught up into the cultural notion that to love is to never seek to help someone better himself or herself. Use gracious words to point out your spouse's weaknesses and offer constructive suggestions on how to improve these things. Always be willing to accept correction from your spouse too.

[edit]

Tips

• You can make mistakes in loving-which is why forgiveness is such a vital part of your loving actions toward your spouse. If you are forgiving, you are more likely to be forgiven.
• Take your partner out to different places such as out for dinners, movies, or vacation.
• Remember, service and love are inherently connected. Whatever you know your partners needs, that is what you should be doing to love him or her. The moment you start insisting on your way or doing whatyou want, you have stopped loving your spouse.

[edit]

Warnings

• If you want to have a healthy relationship, discover more ways to express your love. Use warmth, kindness, compassion, humour, presence, truthfulness, sharing, and sexiness. Open up your senses for fun and your communication strategies for success by using principles of reciprocity, compassion, and equanimity. Always be courteous, fair, and truthful, and the interaction with your partner will flourish.
• To have staying power and build a healthy relationship, stay present to your connection to your loved one. Be creative and discover love together.

source: wikihow

Does Love Hurt? - Love Quotes for You!

09 December 2008

Does Love Hurts? This Quotes is just perfect for you...

Jane Austen

One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it unless it has all been suffering, nothing but suffering.

Anonymous

If love is so important to have that one doesn't want to lose it, why is it when we find true love we often don't notice it?

Oscar Wilde

When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

Philip Larkin

What will survive of us is love.

Diane Arbus

Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.

E. Y. Harburg

Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,

Remember this terse little verse;

To let a fool kiss you is stupid,

To let a kiss fool you is worse.

Anonymous

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

William Shakespeare

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.

Victor M. Garcia Jr.

Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts.

Spanish proverb

Where there is love, there is pain.

Oscar Wilde

Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love; it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.

Sir James M. Barrie

If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.

Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.

William Shakespeare

The courses of true love never did run smooth.

George Granville

Of all pains, the greatest pain,

Is to love, and to love in vain.

Anonymous

Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment love begins, but we always recognize the moment it ends?

Marie E. Eschenbach

We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.

source: sheetudeep.com