“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” — Albert Einstein
Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, per least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.
Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.
How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul.
The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word. For example, love is:
- A strong positive emotion of; affection or pleasure; e.g, "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
- Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking: "The theater was her first love". "I love French food".
- Beloved: a beloved person; used as a term of endearment.
- A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; e.g., "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
- A score of zero in tennis or squash: "It was 40-love!"
- Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months".
- Love is characterized by the desire to want good things for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you can hardly breathe when you're around them. Even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever, it's as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss.
The Greeks defined love in four categories:
- Agape love is unconditional love. It is love by "choice" even if you are not pleased. A good example is "God loves us with our faults."
- Philia love is the dispassionate virtuous love, guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
- Storge is the word for family love and the physical show of "affection", the need for physical touch. Sometimes the love between exceptional friends. See also: WikiPedia:Storge
- Eros is the physical "sexual" desire, intercourse. It is the root word of erotic, and eroticism.
- Define love by thinking of what it means to you. Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
- Be aware of moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
- Consider your motives, what are you each getting from the situation, especially if it is progressing too quickly.
- Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change (is it just attraction).
- Capture your feelings in metaphors, poetry or songs. "Love is like..."
Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed as having three parts, triangularly. There are three key components:
- Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
- Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
- Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
- Expressing love may start as flirting with smiles, winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usuallyinfatuation at this point, approaching with curiosity by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
Thrill as the person in love having little else of such interest in the real world, food may taste bland, concentrating has become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while musing about the person seems a most engaging thing to do.
- This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
Deeply in love--never scientifically proven to exist--it is thought that one can only be really in love with one person at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling of love in two sources: "twice-at-once" sounds impossible!
- Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness, or in some cases where love isn't present, influenza.
- Endure for a time. Time does seem to be the only healer in the case of lost love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
Love forever (especially in literature)--it is forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path of true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
- Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
- Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am".
- Allow yourself to think so you may choose why, where and when to find your life partner not just for simple breeding or survival of the fittest, but in order for developing and choosing as human beings not just feeling beings.
Share your love and spread it on through new generations, so while love lasts eternally, your mark upon humanity is also forever through your children and children's children; you make your mark by your genetic codes, understandings and teachings continuing--passed on and developed forevermore!
- This eternal possibility is a gift, not just dedication; you have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness.
- Desire is the want of more and is unfillable, not to be confused with Love which is joy and contentment.
- There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, an ideal, and people accepting nothing below this instead of doing real life compromises makes us lonely - a major factor being mass-media. However, not being happy can be good, it provides always another goal to go forward. But not being happy is opposite to being in love, isn't it? Choose your own fine grain, instead of chasing an ideal.
- For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
- For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)
Spiritually Speaking
- It is also said that love is one of God's greatest, most complex creations, and even that "God is love!"
- What greater love is there than one would risk or give his life for a stranger, but in this way God is said to have proven His love for you, while you (everyone) were still strangers to God: He provided a way for us to receive His love by grace and through faith--freely so no one may brag.
[edit]Warnings
- Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
- You can't love others until you learn to love yourself First.
- People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love. Unconditional love does not care about that thou. If you are going to be selfish and care about yourself you will never be in love - see commitments.
- Remember there are levels of love. Choices that two people take while living together are not LOVE choices, but RELATIONSHIP choices. Love itself is not a choice - you can never choose if or how much you love a person. Acting like multiple grades of being an asshole, that's a complete different issue.
- "Love is not a feeling, it's an ability." - careful, this is an idealist quote without any substance, just random nice words
- Love can take over your whole life if you are not careful. Let it not take you over, but become a part of who you are. When you think about the person you love it should make you want to be a better person, for them.
0 comments:
Post a Comment