How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

26 July 2009

Headlines are filled with stories of men straying when they already have a fabulous woman by their side. Do the headlines have you spooked? Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful.

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”

5. He becomes suspicious of you. “If he’s normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom,” says Vranich. “It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.” Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent “How was work today?” queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he’s terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your sex life hasn’t fallen off, that’s no guarantee that he’s faithful. “It’s a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily sexual. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship,” says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

source: Cosmopolitan

BY HOLLY EAGLESON

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

23 July 2009

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

by Katarina Kovacevic

Being in a relationship can sometimes feel like more work than play and there may be days when the bad seems to outweigh the good. But the most important element in a successful relationship is learning how to work through the tough spots. Arguments are inevitable but just because you and your significant other disagree doesn't mean you're doomed for splitsville. We connected with several relationship experts to get their thoughts on what truly makes a healthy relationship.

Dr. Karen Sherman is a relationship psychologist specializing in premarital, on-going and married relationships and she's got this advice to offer couples:

"Make sure you know the skills to have a healthy conflict," she said. "When a couple is able to do this, they can actually have a more intimate relationship." So an argument from time to time can actually be good for a couple. Just don't hit below the belt!

"Never humiliate your partner publicly or throw something back in his or her face that has been offered to you as something private. These can be more a breach to your relationship than an actual affair." Lesson: what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Learn how to keep some elements of your relationship private.

"Do not expect your mate to fulfill all of your needs and take time to understand how your partner's needs are met through words and actions." The "you complete me" scene in Jerry Maguire may have had you sobbing like a sucker but learn how to take care of your own needs and nurture your partners – but don't live for them.

Best-selling author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil was named by New York Magazine as one of the city's top therapists. She prides herself on saving couples from all types of relationship peril, even adultery, and has a 98 percent success rate for saving relationships. Her tips include:

"Give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to your partner," she said. "Tell them they look good, that you loved the dinner they cooked." Who knew foreplay and wordplay went together so well?

"Try to go to bed at the same time every night," she said. "Even if one of you has to get up later for work."

Ladies and gentlemen, it should come as no surprise. Sex is just as important as communication. Thank you, Dr Weil! "Make sex a priority," she said. "Schedule it in. Take turns developing a sexual adventure for your partner. Use sex as a stress buster!"

Susan Barnes is a relationship expert who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows across the country including Everyday with Rachael Ray and Playboy radio. She specializes in teaching people the art of spiritual romance. She's got this to offer couples"

"Put your partner first," said Barnes. "Put yourself in their shoes and try to think what it's like to be them before making any judgments. Most importantly, trust them." So, the next time you want to go out and party with the girls instead of following through with your set dinner plans, try to think how you'd feel if the tables were turned.

According to Barnes, the language of love comes in many different forms. "There is a fine line between being honest and being cruel. Be honest with kindness and use soft language, don't be brutal." So the next time you're ready to explode, take a step back and reconsider your approach.

"And every night before you go to bed, tell your partner seven things that you are grateful for in your relationship."

"Become unbeatable together. Stay strong together under any circumstance and be each other's rock. You are each other's best friend, lover and confidant. Be loyal to one another and don't let anyone talk bad about your partner."

We've always heard it's important to pick your battles and Barnes definitely agrees. "Stop criticizing and complaining to your partner. If you have complaints try writing them down in a notebook and read them later. You'll be surprised how petty they really are.

Signs Your Ex Is Still Not Over You

15 July 2009

When we remain in contact with an ex, we may sometimes receive hints of attraction from that person that border past friendship. The truth is, we can never truly erase all feelings shared with someone we previously were intimate with. If you're wondering whether your ex still might have feelings for you, here are some signs you may want to look for.

1. Your ex makes an effort to stay in contact with you.
   When your ex is consistently putting effort into maintaining contact, they not only care about you but think of you on a regular basis. Showing genuine interest in your life is a sign they have your well-being at heart, and their desire to stay close means they enjoy your company and welcome your opinion.
   
   
2. You can still rely on your ex when in need of help.
   It says a lot if your ex is willing to help you when you most need them. Of course, that doesn't mean they should be willing to help you every time you have even the tiniest problem, but knowing they have your back when you really need them tells you they still hold you close to their heart.
   
   
3. Your ex envisions you in their future.
   When your ex talks of the future and assumes you'll still play a role close to them, it could be a sign they still hold onto the possibility of getting back together in the future. Of course, it might not mean that, and certainly you shouldn't hold onto false hope. It does mean your ex sees the relationship between the two of you as special, and they should not be ditched just because of a bad break up.
   
   
4. Your ex still sends you a card or present during special holidays.
   This is a fairly big clue that they are still not over you, especially if their present is something meant to be used or worn. Why? Because if they want you to use something they gave you, it means they don't want you to forget them. If their fear is that you'll forget about them, then clearly they still think you're very important in their life.
   
   
5. Your ex has brought up your past relationship in a positive light.
   Your ex might also bring up certain regrets relating to your relationship. As long as they are NOT intoxicated while they're reminiscing about the past, it could be a sign they are testing your reaction to this. First to see if you still indeed care, and second to see if you care as much as they do about you.

The more these signs are evident in your relationship, the more likely your ex is still not over you. However, simply going off these clues alone will not be good enough to know for sure if your ex has romantic feelings for you. The best way to be sure in that case is simply to ask them yourself. It's also a good idea to look at why it is you want to know how they feel in the first place. If you find yourself showing similar signs as above, ask yourself if you still have feelings for your ex. If not, then is it possible they might not either?

by Katie W.

About the Author

Katie W. is the host of True Love Returns, where she maintains the How to Get Your Love Back e-course. Her goal is to help people save their relationship and reunite with past love.