Long term love has all its advantages – a strong intimacy with each other, a shared history with the one you love, a warm and satisfying sexual connection. But still, sometimes you miss that erotic charge when your love was still brand new. Here are tips on how to recapture again that spark when you and your partner just started having sex.
1. Create a little distance. Best friends, partners, soul mates – that’s what many couples strive to be. But while that kind of relationship provides warmth and security, it’s not always sexy. The very things that love thrives on like familiarity, stability and security are the very things that can also kill the passion and lust in a relationship. For desire to thrive on, you need to maintain some of the elusiveness and independence you had when you were first together. If you’re too available to your partner, too open with each other, you lose that edge. That’s why for the sake of your sex life, it’s a good idea to make some space. A little bit of distance and separation, both physical and emotional, can actually fuel sexual excitement because it sets up a “thrill of a chase” kind of dynamic, similar to what you had when you were first dating.
2. Rediscover each other. What makes just – met sex so exciting is the sense of the unknown and the anticipation of what might happen. You’re still discovering each other’s bodies, finding new ways to turn each other on and testing new waters. A classic way to reboot your sexual relationship is to go away together, for a week, few days, or even just a night. Call it a sex vacation. It’s an opportunity to go back to the beginning when you didn’t have babies, shared bills, or a mortgage, and your relationship was just about the two of you having fun.
3. Shock your system – The perma-smile plastered on your face, that tingling below the belt, the goose bumps you got when he touched you. Thank you hormones. The novelty and excitement of a new sexual partner triggers the production of dopamine and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that are responsible for that love high.
4. Tune in to your sexy side. When you’re dating, your appearance and sexual confidence are often a priority But once you’re married and have other things going on in your life, you don’t always put as much focus to your sexuality. Think back when you felt sexiest in your life. When you let your inner sexiness shine, he can’t help but respond to that energy.
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