History Of Valentine's day

14 February 2009

February has long been a month of romance. It is the month associated with Valentine's Day celebrations. We have, time and again, heard the name St. Valentine being uttered before us in this season of love. But just who is this St. Valentine? Why is this month associated with love and romance? Learn about St. Valentine, how Valentines day came into practice as it is today. The origin of this lovers day goes back as early as 270 A.D and started with the clash between a kindly priest and a mighty ruler. To know more, just read on and discover the true meaning of this festival. If you like our little article about the splendid history of Valentine's Day, just click here and refer this page to your friends and loved ones. Wish you a Happy Valentine!

Every year, the fourteenth day of the month of February has millions across the world presenting their loved ones with candy, flowers, chocolates and other lovely gifts. In many countries, restaurants and eateries are seen to be filled with couples who are eager to celebrate their relationship and the joy of their togetherness through delicious cuisines. There hardly seems to be a young man or woman who is not keen to make the most of the day.

The reason behind all of this is a kindly cleric named Valentine who died more than a thousand years ago.

It is not exactly known why the 14th of February is known as Valentine's Day or if the noble Valentine really had any relation to this day. The history of Valentine's Day is impossible to be obtained from any archive and the veil of centuries gone by has made the origin behind this day more difficult to trace. It is only some legends that are our source for the history of Valentine's Day.

The modern St. Valentine's Day celebrations are said to have been derived from both ancient Christian and Roman tradition. As per one legend, the holiday has originated from the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalis/Lupercalia, a fertility celebration that used to observed annually on February 15. But the rise of Christianity in Europe saw many pagan holidays being renamed for and dedicated to the early Christian martyrs. Lupercalia was no exception. In 496 AD, Pope Gelasius turned Lupercalia into a Christian feast day and set its observance a day earlier, on February 14. He proclaimed February 14 to be the feast day in honour of Saint Valentine, a Roman martyr who lived in the 3rd century. It is this St. Valentine whom the modern Valentine's Day honours.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints by the name of Valentine. While one was a priest in Rome, another was a bishop in Terni. Nothing is known about the third St. Valentine except that he met his end in Africa. Surprisingly, all three of them were said to have been martyred on 14th February.

It is clear that Pope Gelasius intended to honor the first of these three aforementioned men. Most scholars believe that this St. Valentine was a priest who lived around 270 AD in Rome and attracted the disfavor of Roman emperor Claudius II who ruled during this time.

The story of St. Valentine has two different versions - the Protestant and the Catholic one. Both versions agree upon Saint Valentine being a bishop who held secret marriage ceremonies of soldiers in opposition to Claudius II who had prohibited marriage for young men and was executed by the latter. During the lifetime of Valentine, the golden era of Roman empire had almost come to an end. Lack of quality administrators led to frequent civil strife. Education declined, taxation increased and trade witnessed a very bad time. The Roman empire faced crisis from all sides, from the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians from Northern Europe and Asia. The empire had grown too large to be shielded from external aggression and internal chaos with existing forces. Naturally, more and more capable men were required to to be recruited as soldiers and officers to protect the nation from takeover. When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. He believed that marriage made the men weak. So he issued an edict forbidding marriage to assure quality soldiers.

The ban on marriage was a great shock for the Romans. But they dared not voice their protest against the mighty emperor. The kindly bishop Valentine also realized the injustice of the decree. He saw the trauma of young lovers who gave up all hopes of being united in marriage. He planned to counter the monarch's orders in secrecy. Whenever lovers thought of marrying, they went to Valentine who met them afterwards in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. And thus he secretly performed many marriages for young lovers. But such things cannot remain hidden for long. It was only a matter of time before Claudius came to know of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested.

While awaiting his sentence in prison, Valentine was approached by his jailor, Asterius. It was said that Valentine had some saintly abilities and one of them granted him the power to heal people. Asterius had a blind daughter and knowing of the miraculous powers of Valentine he requested the latter to restore the sight of his blind daughter. The Catholic legend has it that Valentine did this through the vehicle of his strong faith, a phenomenon refuted by the Protestant version which agrees otherwise with the Catholic one. Whatever the fact, it appears that Valentine in some way did succeed to help Asterius' blind daughter.

When Claudius II met Valentine, he was said to have been impressed by the dignity and conviction of the latter. However, Valentine refused to agree with the emperor regarding the ban on marriage. It is also said that the emperor tried to convert Valentine to the Roman gods but was unsuccesful in his efforts. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully. This angered Claudius II who gave the order of execution of Valentine.

Meanwhile, a deep friendship had been formed between Valentine and Asterius' daughter. It caused great grief to the young girl to hear of his friend's imminent death. It is said that just before his execution, Valentine asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after. As per another legend, Valentine fell in love with the daughter of his jailer during his imprisonment. However, this legend is not given much importance by historians. The most plausible story surrounding St. Valentine is one not centred on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Christian love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion. Valentine is believed to have been executed on February 14, 270 AD.

Thus 14th February became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its Patron Saint. It began to be annually observed by young Romans who offered handwritten greetings of affection, known as Valentines, on this day to the women they admired. With the coming of Christianity, the day came to be known as St. Valentine's Day.

But it was only during the 14th century that St. Valentine's Day became definitively associated with love. UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of "Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine", credits Chaucer as the one who first linked St. Valentine's Day with romance. In medieval France and England it was believed that birds mated on February 14. Hence, Chaucer used the image of birds as the symbol of lovers in poems dedicated to the day. In Chaucer's "The Parliament of Fowls," the royal engagement, the mating season of birds, and St. Valentine's Day are related:

"For this was on St. Valentine's Day, When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate."

By the Middle Ages, Valentine became as popular as to become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Despite attempts by the Christian church to sanctify the holiday, the association of Valentine’s Day with romance and courtship continued through the Middle Ages. The holiday evolved over the centuries. By the 18th century, gift-giving and exchanging hand-made cards on Valentine's Day had become common in England. Hand-made valentine cards made of lace, ribbons, and featuring cupids and hearts began to be created on this day and handed over to the man or woman one loved. This tradition eventually spread to the American colonies. It was not until the 1840s that Valentine's Day greeting cards began to be commercially produced in the U.S. The first American Valentine's Day greeting cards were created by Esther A. Howlanda Mount Holyoke, a graduate and native of Worcester. Mass. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap". It was when Howland began Valentine's cards in a large scale that the tradition really caught on in the United States.

Today, Valentine's Day is one of the major holidays in the U.S. and has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are "valentine"s. The "valentines", as Valentine's Day cards are better known as, are often designed with hearts to symbolize love. The Valentine's Day card spread with Christianity, and is now celebrated all over the world. One of the earliest valentines was sent in 1415 AD by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife during his imprisonment in the Tower of London. The card is now preserved in the British Museum.

There may be doubts regarding the actual identity of Valentine, but we know that he really existed because archaeologists have recently unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to a Saint Valentine.

source: The Holiday Spot

09 February 2009

How to Be a Good Wife

You want to be a wonderful wife, but what does that mean? Well, ultimately, it's up to you and your husband to determine the needs of your relationship and how each partner can do their part to fulfill them--and here are some special guidelines to start off.

[edit]Steps

1. 

   
   Be secure in yourself. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.
2. Express your feelings and needs, Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so--but don't accuse your husband of things. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly, clearly and directly to discuss your needs and goals: including discussing family considerations, about having children and how each member lives his or her faith and beliefs. Relationships work best when each partner calmly express current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.
3. 

   
   Don't expect the moon. He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
4. Pick your battles. Like many battles, you need not be the combatant, nor the only combatant. Many better tools are available: subtle manipulation of the site of battle, the timing, the physical presence of allies, secret or subtle negotiators, "physical" or other types of gifts (including tape or video-recordings). You have a wide choice before intervening directly, on a secret, solitary confrontation.
   • Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way". Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important.
5. Offer sex frequently... (if appropriate; There are many causes which may warrant caution on shared, mutually experienced sexuality: illness, age, disability, cultural or religious clashes, and undiagnosed or hidden psychiatric disorders.)
   • To most men, this is the most crucial area of their marriage and defines the tone of their relationship with their wife. If you doubt this or are not sure if this applies to your man, try reading the next 3 paragraphs to him and watch is head nod, his eyes light up and his entire face smile.
   • Most men have deep emotional (and physical) desires and needs associated with sex and your willingness to approach him often is crucial to his happiness and your marital success. Many men would like to have sex every day; for some men, once a week is enough. Most normal, healthy men are pleased with 2 to 4 times a week. (this of course varies with every man, ask yours what he likes!)
   • Consider trying especially interesting lovemaking at least once a week, including taking the time to push him for a second (or third) round. Normal, healthy men do require a “recovery time” before they can achieve erection and climax again, but with the right kind of stimulation, this can usually be done.
   • Without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a man can and will become dissatisfied, grumpy, and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger. On the other hand, if you offer sex to your man frequently and he will be content, kind, gentle and eager to please you in any way possible.
   • section references....*^[1]*^[2]*^[3]
6. 

   
   Keep your sex life interesting. Ensure you discuss your sex life with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as emotional intimacy. Nurture them both. Skin contact is our largest sense organ, so "physical" is not necessarily sexual.
7. 

   
   Accept him. Only by accepting him as he is, do you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.
8. Be stress relief, not a source of stress Men (and women) deal with stress all day and every day. They deal with stress at work, and at home. Do what you can to help him deal with the stress of every day life, and do what you can not to add to it.

[edit]Tips

• Don't criticize your husband, not in his presence, not in his absence, not when you're in front of people, and not when you're alone together.
• Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs and criticizing his ability to meet them. "Damning with faint praise" and publically praising the positive qualities of another person where your partner is deficient is crticising him.
• Some couples may find guidance in defining the role of a wife through their faith:
  • For many Christians their faith is important for both of them as a good wife and loving husband to fulfill.
  • Whether you're Buddhist, Islamic, Jewish, Agnostic, Christian or Wiccan it is important for you to discuss your faith together. It is not necessary to finalize this nor every discussion. Years and decades later the "issue" may seemingly or really disappear by itself, since environments and people change over time.

[edit]Warnings

• If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. Talk things out or see a counselor. If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember--he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again and again - and the violence escalates each time. Read How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.
source: wikihow

How to Be a Great Husband

02 February 2009

Balancing the load

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife, every marriage is different. But, there aresome common issues that many married couples face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband..

[edit]

Steps

1. Be romantic. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
   
   
   • Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your partner wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
   • Treat your partner like they're single, like you're trying to earn their affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done with.
   • There are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways.
2. Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Let her know it is much more than just sex. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women. Don't use sex to apologize. Apologize first, then see what happens!
3. Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment.Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It's not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both be better off.
4. Don't brush your wife off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
5. Communicate. Do not talk their ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, they are made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you're talking to them. If you ask them a question, ask them because you really want to know. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells them that they can tell you anything. Make them feel safe.
6. Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive--a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are nice gestures.
7. Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up "100" percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on or phoney.
8. Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half".
9. Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.
10. Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
11. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.

[edit]

Tips

• When she's upset, listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it, and don't get defensive. Just listen, and show her that you are trying to understand. If she is upset with you, don't just try to give her a hug like nothing happened. If you approach her like you understand what she is saying, that you will try harder (really mean it), and that it will be alright she will be willing to accept your gesture more easily.
• Don't try to "fix" everything. Men are fixers, but women don't want us to fix everything. They sometimes need to do that themselves and just need you to listen.
• Husbands and Wives live together but make sure you spend enough quality time together. This means laughing, talking, just having fun together. Make her see that wherever you are you feel like home when you are with her.
• Praise your wife in public, but if you notice something you'd like to comment on, please find a private moment. Don't criticize! Make concerns known in a diplomatic positive way. It is VERY important to women about how they look to other people. Do Not make her look like the "bad guy" or that there is something you don't agree with(even if there is). The appropriate time to discuss those matters is when it is just the two of you, not in front of people when she will be embarrassed. In public make sure everyone around you knows she is your girl! Hold hands whenever possible, kiss, hug, a tap on the butt, etc. To her you are letting everyone know you're off the market.
• Be aware that she may not perceive love the same way you do. Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, Verbal Affirmation, and Acts of Service are the different "Love Languages" you and your wife might have -- make sure you find out what hers is, and speak her "love language"!
• Discuss your financial dreams together and research and plan to achieve them together.
• Tell her what you think, don't assume she knows. When you think she looks nice, tell her, when you are thinking you are lucky for having her, tell her. She does not assume these thing to be true & needs to be reminded often.

[edit]

Warnings

• Do not go overboard. A great husband is not an obsessive or smothering one.
• Some women need more attention than others.Some would rather hang out with their friends, While other's the husband is their best friend.

source: wikihow