Everything about LOVE

Money vs Love: Three Rules For Making It Through Tough Times

2009-11-13T21:11:00.001+08:00

by Jennifer Good

The money factor is one of the most common sources of contention in a relationship. How you deal with hard times can either make or break you as a couple. While we as a nation may be in a time of economic hardship, your relationship doesn't need to suffer because of it. With a little creativity and these three rules, you can use this as an opportunity to strengthen the friendship and intimacy that binds you together as a couple.

Rule #1: Your Relationship Always Comes First

When dealing with any type of stressful situation, it's important to remember that you are a couple. What one person says or does affects the other. If you're stressed out, make sure you're talking about it with your partner. Don't bottle it up and expect things to "just get better." Your partner knows when something's up, so get rid of the guesswork and talk it through together. Two heads are always better than one when it comes to creative thinking.

Rule #2: Keep Having Fun

It's easy to let things in the fun department slide when life starts to get stressful. However, this is a crucial mistake. It's these types of situations where laughter and emotional escapes from your daily life are needed most. A little ingenuity may be just what you needed to "look on the bright side" and find a solution or different perspective for your current situation. Here are ten ideas to get you started.

Water Gun Fight
Game Night
Spend the Night Coloring
Test Drive Cars
Rearrange Furniture In Your House
Start A Garden
Photograph Each Other
Collage a "Dream Board"
Picnic and People Watch
Design Your Ideal Home

Rule #3: Have A Common Goal

To keep a group of people focused in the same direction, they have to have a common goal they are working towards. The same is true for a couple in a relationship. If you are both aimlessly living your everyday life without direction, it's quite likely you'll end up either in different places or somewhere you didn't want to be. Have a talk together and talk about your one year, five year, and ten year goals and ideals. You need to have something you are both working towards together, even if it's something as simple as planning a summer vacation or getting a new car.

What's worked for you as a couple during tough times?

Share your thoughts and ideas in our comments area below!

source: lovingyou.com

Eight Steps to Finding True Love

2009-10-09T13:00:00.000+08:00

Dating Guide for 2009: Eight Steps to Finding True Love

By Dating expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.Special to Yahoo! PersonalsUpdated: May 22, 2009

2008 is winding down and New Year's Eve is coming fast. You'll blow the horns, make a few toasts. It'll be another New Year's party with no one you really want to kiss at midnight. Another lonely year staring you in the face.

But it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, 2009 can be the year you find the love of your life.

You can create the stuff of your dreams by making a simple shift that changes the way you date this year. You can make a resolution right now, right here as you read this dating guide, to find new love that is better than any relationship you have had before.

For singles, the chances of finding a mate could be better than ever! The average marriage now lasts under seven years, and this means new singles are coming on the scene all the time. In fact, around 16 million people are now using online dating in the U.S. You have a lot of singles to choose from.

So go on, make the affirmation. Something like, "I will find a mate who is just right for me." Here is an eight-step action plan that can make your resolution a reality in 2009:

1. Prioritize Finding Love. Imagine if you didn't have a job. Looking for one would be your top priority. You would spend hours searching sites like Yahoo! Hotjobs, calling recruiters, and jumping on any leads.

In contrast, finding love ranks pretty low on your to-do list. You come home from work, run errands, call your friends, watch your favorite show, and maybe spend 15 minutes browsing your online dating site. Most singles are better at planning their weekend than planning their dating life.

Yet study after study has shown that relationships are treasured above all else when we reflect on what has meant the most in our lives. So make finding a mate a top priority.

2. Have a 'New You' Party. Invite friends over for a New You party where they give you a makeover. Let them go through your clothes, getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot new looks for you. Find a look that makes you feel great.

Tell your friends you are looking to meet someone special. Email the same message to any other buddies who did not make the party.

3. Work Your Online Dating Site. Throw out your old photo and profile. Have a friend who is a good photographer take 100 headshots of you in order to get one that looks especially warm, attractive, and inviting. Get some opposite-sex friends to help you pick out the best photo and work on your dating profile.

After you post them, spend at least three hours a week looking around the site, sending and responding to messages, and connecting by phone and in person with people. Block out time in your daily calendar to work the site.

4. Go Where the Odds Are Better. Sign up for two ongoing classes or activities that interest you and have lots of singles in them. Finance courses, rock climbing, golfing, snowboarding/skiing, and hiking are great formeeting single men. Single women are plentiful at cooking classes, yoga, and spirituality workshops.

Coed city sports teams are great and usually have an even mix of genders. Look into volunteering for a local or national political group. There are many other activities to consider, so search online, or go to www.meetup.com and peruse their groups.

5. Meet New People. Say hello to three new men or women every day. Assuming you are in a safe or public place, make eye contact, smile, say hi or ask for some help. This is what I call the Marcia Cross Technique. Actress Marcia Cross was in her forties when she met her husband by chatting with him in a flower shop. She now is the ecstatic mother of twin baby girls.

You can start with saying hello to the less threatening types and work your way up to the ones who are "out of your league." You will be surprised how receptive the cuties can be!

6. Date Against Type.

Most singles do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves.

Most singles do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves. The guy who wants a petite blonde winds up with a brainy brunette. The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer. Look at photos and profiles that you would ordinarily take a quick pass on. Try and experiment. You may be very happily surprised!

7. Go for a Second Date. Even if you are not exactly blown away by a person on the first date, remember to stay open. You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his/her different sides. If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Love almost always comes in a surprise package.

8. Open the Door. If you do meet someone and have a really good time, send a quick text or email the next morning to let the person know that the door is open to getting together again. This is especially important for women to do. Write something specific about the date that points to the connection between the two of you or refers to something you both loved.

Now you have your love resolution and plan. Most importantly, commit to the first step and make finding a mate your top priority. Then follow the recommended program to create the love you want in the coming year. Chances are, by next New Year's Eve you'll be kissing the one you want.

source: Yahoo Personals

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

2009-10-08T13:11:00.000+08:00

Apply these simple tips and watch your relationship flourish in good times and bad.

By relationship expert Stacy D. Phillips for HitchedPhoto: Getty ImagesUpdated: Aug 27, 2009

As a divorce attorney, I pride myself on having saved some marriages during my 25 years in practice. I would very much like to see people work things out, if they can. I have come to realize that if couples try one or more of the following 9 suggestions, they may be able to keep their relationship from hitting the rocks in the first place.

1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.

2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.

3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.

4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.

5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.

6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.

7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.

8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.

9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year, it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.

source: Yahoo Personals

Four Signs He's Over You

2009-10-07T12:57:00.000+08:00

Four Signs He's Over You

Has your guy been behaving strangely lately? Be warned: This could be his exit strategy.

By Dating blogger Gregory Gilderman for CosmopolitanPhoto: Tamara SchlesingerUpdated: May 22, 2009

Sure, guys are supposed to be the tougher sex, but when it comes to breaking up with a chick, we turn into serious wusses. Of course, we know the right thing would be to sit you down and say, "Listen, it's over." But no -- instead,

we use passive-aggressive tactics in the hopes that you'll hate us so much, you'll pull the plug first.

we use passive-aggressive tactics in the hopes that you'll hate us so much, you'll pull the plug first. Some clues your guy could be taking the coward's way out...

Dating Tips: 8 Habits That Wreck Your Relationship

2009-09-30T12:04:00.000+08:00

Find out how to rebuild your bond after a wrecking ball hits your relationship -- and learn how to sidestep couple-killers in the future.

By dating editor Brenda Della Casa for Glamour

Photo: Getty Images Updated: Sep 30, 2009

#1. Having an affair with his "potential"

Wanting your man to be the best version of himself is admirable, but approaching his looks and personality with "Extreme Makeover" ambition will do little more than erode his self-esteem and leave you both frustrated and resentful. "If you and your partner believe that love means acceptance, pushing him to change and criticizing him is going to send him the opposite message. What he hears is 'you aren't good enough,'" says Nina Atwood, M.Ed., L.P.C., author of "Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid."

How to rebuild: This is where the old 80-20 rule can be used to the benefit of both of you. Spend at least 80 percent of your time together letting your partner know all the things you adore and appreciate about him, so that when you mention something you don't like, it doesn't feel like another item on a long list of failures.

More Glamour:

#2. Major mood swings

We're living in some pretty anxiety-inducing times, and when life takes a stressful turn, it's not uncommon for couples to start taking out that stress on each other. While the occasional mood swing can -- and should -- be forgiven, being in a relationship with someone whose bad moods outnumber her good ones can make a man run for cover. Wouldn't you do the same?

How to rebuild: The next time you catch yourself taking a downturn, take a moment to consider what kind of impact your moods are having on your man and the relationship. "If a woman is too moody, we start to walk on eggshells because we just don't want to deal with the drama," says Matt, 31, of San Diego.

#3. Gossip

Talking to pals about your love life is a normal part of friendship, but if you're calling your BFF, your sister, and your mom every time your man pisses you off, you're not only going to wind up embarrassed when the storm passes, you'll also find yourself in a relationship with someone who feels violated and judged. "As a couple, private information should stay private or you risk damaging your reputation as a couple, which in turn may isolate you from others and sever your relationship," says Dan Schawbel, personal branding expert and author of "Me: 2.0." Remember that word of mouth is a powerful force, and it can hurt your reputation if your mate or others brand you as untrustworthy."

How to rebuild: The next time you log on to his computer and find an improper download, resist the urge to get on the phone and vent to your top five. Instead, sit down and talk things out with the one person who can help you work through it. If you're not sure how to approach him about a certain topic, sit down and write him a letter. (Helpful hint: Sit on it for 24 hours to make sure it says what you really want to say and isn't just filled with angry words and blame.)

#4. Melodrama

If you're calling him in tears every time your coworker irritates you, deleting him from Facebook during every argument, and threatening to end the relationship over him leaving the toilet seat up (again!), he might start looking for a new leading lady. "Men have a tendency to really like low-maintenance girls when it comes to relationships," says Kristian, 35, of New York City. "We're pretty lazy in general, and it's exhausting when you need to work so hard to make someone happy and calm them down every day."

How to rebuild: Save the details of your office drama for brunch with the girls, and the next time you feel your inner Heidi Montag moving center stage, take a deep breath and rate the situation on a scale from 1 to 10. If it scores below a 5, let it go and save award-worthy performances for anything above a 9 (cheating, insulting your boss at your holiday party, etc.).

#5. "Mom-ing" him

Your man loves his mama and he loves you, but when you're the one telling him to stop playing Guitar Hero, scoffing at his lack of manners, or informing him he can't go out with his pals because he has a "big day tomorrow," it's anything but appealing. He'll not only resent that you're trying to control him, but he'll also likely do what all children do when they're being reprimanded -- rebel. "Scolding your mate creates an unhealthy dynamic of parent-child relationship, which automatically puts your partner into a child role and you into the role of mom," says Jeannine Estes, M.A, a marriage and family therapist and author of "Relationships in the Raw." "Children often do the opposite when they feel as if they don't have a choice, and this is similar for couples."

How to rebuild: "Instead of scolding or telling him what to do or not do, try to ask for your needs in a clear and respectful way and avoid using the 'mother' tone," says Estes. "Share with your partner the importance of your needs rather than demanding or scoffing at what he has or hasn't done right. Also, scolding him like you are his mother can put you in a parent role, carrying the relationship without any assistance or partnership."

#6. Too much together time

Spending time with your guy is one of the best parts of being in a relationship, but there's a big difference between bonding and being joined at the hip. "Many men are attracted to secure, independent women," says Stacey Rosenfeld, Ph.D, a New York City psychologist. "Once in relationships, women may tend to become more dependent, to demand more time and attention of their partners. This can represent a problem, as often men need more space than women."

How to rebuild: Remind your guy of the independent and fabulous woman he was initially attracted to by indulging in your favorite pastimes and enjoying your friends without him every once in a while. By flashing your independence, you'll not only give him a chance to miss you but also have interesting things to share with him when you meet up.

#7. Jealousy

He lets you know how much he loves you constantly, but that doesn't stop you from checking his phone when he's in the shower or sending every pretty girl he talks to eye-daggers. Although a tiny bit of jealousy in a relationship is normal, accusing your man of cheating and questioning his whereabouts every time he walks in will have him feeling controlled, manipulated, and insulted. "Jealousy in a relationship, or even personally, is the spiritual equivalent of dumping hydrochloric acid on the person," says 33-year-old Marc from Los Angeles. "Just sit back and prepare for the disintegration."

How to rebuild: Unless your man has said or done things to make you suspicious, your jealousy is more about your relationship with yourself than you two as a couple. Back away from his computer and check out your own history. Were you betrayed in the past? Did you grow up in a household where the fidelity vows were broken? There might be ways in which you are allowing unresolved issues from your past to dictate your present behavior. If you don't feel you can overcome the green monster on your own, don't be afraid to reach out to a qualified counselor who can help you identify the sources of your insecurity and work through them.

#8. Getting too comfortable

In the beginning of a relationship, both parties make sure to look and act their best, but as time moves on, the sweatpants come out and routine takes over. "People tend to get lazy in their relationships, and while it's good to be comfortable, no one wants to be boring or to be bored," says Lissa Coffey, author of "What's Your Dosha, Baby? Discover the Vedic Way for Compatibility in Life and Love."

How to rebuild: Men love to be seduced and romanced as much as we do, and part of what makes the courtship phase of relationships so fun is the experience of uncovering the mystery of another and trying new things together. "When a woman stops making an effort to look nice for her man and expects him to take care of all the stuff in the romance department, a man begins to feel taken for granted and thinks that she doesn't care about impressing him anymore," says Brian, 30, of New York City. Show your guy he's still worth the effort by surprising him with a break from the ratty T-shirt you wear to bed, a sweet note, or planning a special night out for him "just because." He'll not only appreciate it, he'll also reciprocate -- and that's a give and take

to get excited about

source: Yahoo Personals

Signs that he is in love with you

2009-09-20T15:16:00.000+08:00

If the man you are seeing acts in any of the ways mentioned here, it's time to start savoring the thrill of your romance moving to the next level.

He starts thinking about the future and you are in it. He does not only wants to see you on weekends but his plans for summer or Christmas holidays also have you in it.

Other priorities take a back seat. He used to religiously join his basketball team for practices but lately, he doesn't mind missing a practice if it means seeing you for a whimsically planned dinner date.

He doesn't mind compromising. There was a time when it was his way or the highway, but with you it's different. Not that you ask him to, but he doesn't mind occasionally missing a night out with his buddies.

He loves spending time with you. This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. He looks forward to seeing you, and doesn't care much about what the two of you will be doing.

You have great chemistry. We can't be in love with someone without chemistry.

He finds your quirks charming. You do and say things that mke you different, and he likes it. He can't quite put his finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. He likes you just the way you are.

He really cares about you. he wants to know all about you. Who you are, what you think, what makes you laugh.

How to Have a Successful Marriage

2009-09-17T15:28:00.000+08:00

Everyone wants to have a happy married life. Nobody wants a broken family, the pain of going through divorce or separation, the agony of seeing one's childen suffer resulting from a parent's miserable or chaotic marriage.

I have read an article about a woman who has been married for a long time and share to you how she survived the roller coaster ride of marriage.

Don't Nag. Nagging accomplishess nothing. It only widens the gap between you and your husband. No husband ever appreciates a nagging wife.

Believe. Let your husband feel he can be trusted. This is very hard to do especially when you believe otherwise. Yet, doing so will make him feel good. He will love you more for it. Nothing hurts a husband's ego than when he feels his own wife does not trust him.

Accept. Accept his strenghts and weaknesses. Praise him for his accomplishments and support him during his low moments. When you decided to marry him, you did not marry just a part of him but all of him.

Love yourself. When you love yourself, you have enough love to share with your husband. Loving one's self means, among other things, taking care of your health, practicing healthy hygiene, making yourself attractive for your husband.

Be pleasant. Be pleasant to come home to. A husband may tolerate a messy home but never a quarrelsome wife. Remember that on the job your husband may have attractive and sweet coworkers. Make no room for temptation to come in. Be sure your sweet smile and loving embrace are ready to welcome him home.

Talk. Never assume.Talk things over. A husband and wife will always be able to resolve things by talking. This practice allows one to see through each one's perspective, eventually reaching a compromise.

Listen. Talking accomplishes nothing, however , if neither listens. Before exploding into a barrage of words, listen. It will give you the chance to understand and digest what your partner wants to convey.

Forgive. Be ready to forgive your mate for his misgivings. Forgiveness lightens your heart and gives you freedom to start anew with your mate. This may be hard to do but the relief it gives you is worth the sacrifice.

Share. When you share your thoughts and feelings, it makes it possible for both of you to know each other better.

Be a vegetarian. This may sound weird and out of context but science and experience has taught me however that high intake in flesh foods causes irritability and ill temperament. Thus, eliminate or limit your meat intake of flesh foods for cooler heads.

Trust God. Would you like to be free from anxieties, worries and uncertainties in your marriage? Trust God. You will find it easier to trust your mate completely if you trust God first. With God there is nothing to fear.

How to Make a Man Understands

2009-09-11T19:28:00.001+08:00

This is man's manual. And for women, read it closely.

I just can't understand why man could be so stupid and clueless when it comes to dating life. In my case, the last one I still remember, it was apparently happened to my ex-boyfriend.

As I've told you before, he was the one who called for the break-up without trying to meet me in person at the first place. But yet, guess what, he blamed me because I once had refused to meet him first. The rest is off the record.

What I'm trying to point out here is, that he didn't put many efforts so hard in order to meet me. I know he could've tried harder... but hedidn't. All he did was only waiting for my positive response to affirm his meeting invitation. Gah.

I mean, oh my, he could just dropped in to my house, brought some roses or chocolates or perhaps one of Hallmark's apology greeting cards, and said hello. No matter how mad I was to you that time, my heart will definitely melt if you do so. If only.

Maybe for you, MEN, it's me who was so fool and ridiculous for not telling him the truth. But for me, YOU should've known what your girl wants!

Ok, I admit I was wrong. I was expecting TOO MUCH.

After reading guy guide section: danny's dating life on FEMALE magazine and having conversations with some boyfriends, I finally get a clue.

Men often forget about dates (birthday, anniversary, etc), but they are very welcome with friendly reminders from their women. They aren't proud of it, but they admit it is one of their characteristics.

Men don't like to be lectured or blamed of something they don't know. If something wrong happens, talk to them IMMEDIATELY. Don't just keep in silent and expect them to understand and realize it themselves cos they won't. Trust me.

Men can't fully focus if they are busy at one thing. So if you want to make a promise, ask him whether he is busy or not. Otherwise, you may get hurt if he forgets what he has promised before.

And finally, never use body language to express what you want, use verbal one. Most of men are difficult to understand body language. That's why raving is better than keeping silent.

After all, the conclusion is simply communication. Always try to be opened to your couple and don't forget to learn from mistakes. Remember, great lover are not born but made.

Any objection, gentlemen??

(Picture is taken from lizabethphotography.com)

Tell-tale Signs that It’s Love, Love, Love

2009-09-07T08:57:00.001+08:00

You’ve got butterflies, good conversation, maybe even great sex, but sometimes it can be difficult to be sure if it’s love. How do you decipher whether the feeling in the pit of your stomach is the nervous quivering of anticipation or yesterday's lunch? Luckily, Lovingyou.com knows that “fools in love” are easy to spot. Here are some tell-tale signs that it just be might be love, love, love.

You are best friends. You laugh with them more than anyone else. The feelings of anticipation, passion, and connection are mutual. You remember little things about each other like their favorite foods, the places they want to visit and why, their views on everything from politics to fashion, and what they love about their closest buddies, but is it enough? Take a look at these signs to be sure.

What he’ll do:

Put you on his “A” list (pay attention -- You'll know if you're not on it)
Introduce you to his family
Make plans for the future (near and far)
Do things outside of his “box” with you
Share his secrets and his dreams for the future with you
Worry about impressing your friends
Come right over when you ask him to
Try to do things that comfort you or relieve some of your stress (like surprise you with dinner on a night you are working, rub your feet, or ask about your day)
Appreciate and reciprocate your feelings and your actions like giving you a massage after he gets one from you, doing the dishes after dinner, or sending you a gift

What she’ll do:

Share her embarrassing moments and fantasies with you
Little things all throughout the day that let you know she’s thinking about you
Fantasize about her life with you, getting married, having kids, growing old, traveling the world, etc.
Tease you
Hang out with your mother or talk to her on the phone
Appreciate and reciprocate your feelings and your actions, like offering to pay for dinner, getting tickets to a game or event she knows you’ll love, or cooking for you
Ask questions about your life -- past, present, and future
Flirt with you

How you’ll feel:

Excited, yet relaxed
Vulnerable, yet strong
Comfortable enough to be yourself in front of them
Like you want to include them in everything (but you won't desert your usual crowd to be in a relationship with them)
You’ll miss them when they’re not around
You can’t wait to see them, talk to them, play with them, and kiss them
You’ll find yourself wanting to make plans to have them all to yourself
You’ll have urges to do romantic things (maybe on the verge of stalker-like things) that you never thought you’d never do

Signs that it’s not love:

They blow you off or cancel dates
Talking about commitment makes either of you uneasy or nervous
Either of you are seeing other people
Things are moving too quickly for one of you
You find your partner lacking when compared to other people
You watch a love scene in a movie or hear a love song and you feel a strong longing or desire for what you don’t have

Tips before you commit:

Take the time to compare who you have with who you know deep down that you desire and deserve. Likewise, compare the relationship you have with the one you know you really want.
Pay attention to how they treat their friends, family, business associates, and strangers. This is a good indication of how they will treat you over time and a big insight into their overall character.
Ask yourself how well you know them and how well they know you.

source: lovingyou.com

Dating is....

2009-09-05T10:07:00.000+08:00

Dating is the most difficult and bittersweet courtship... it can be fun, it can be painful, but it is life experience in the purest form because love is the one thing that someone may long for their entire life but have no control over. Love can be a huge mountain, a gentle garden, a raging storm, a cool breeze, or a perfect bath. But there is always fire somewhere nearby. there is always the red-hot stuff of the soul's initiation. If there isn't fire, then it isn't love. It might have all the signs of what the world calls a "successful relationship" . But if it doesn't insist that you move to your next level, if it doesn't take your heart and make it explode in a million pieces, only to fall back together again in some moment of enlightened understanding, then you haven't really loved.

For those of us who still believe in faithful, mutual love..will it ever happen for us? Will someone walk into our lives one day and change everything? Where do the few quality people left out there meet these days? Unfortunately it seems so few and far between that I resort to this. Are you out there, awake, bored, imagining feeling the comfort of your arms around someone you care about?? I'm not always such a sap, but if you can't express your thoughts and feelings in the beginning, when will you really be able to?

If Your Man Cheated, Would You Break Up or Forgive Him?

2009-09-05T09:02:00.000+08:00

Look What This Woman Did…

If your boyfriend cheated on you, would you break up with him or forgive him? Last night, I was watching Sex & the City: The Movie, and one of the women was debating forgiving her man for cheating. I don't think I could!

Well, this husband cheated, and here's what his wife made him do...

His wife made him stand on a busy street corner in Virginia during the morning rush hour, and wear a handmade sign saying, "I CHEATED. THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT."

People reported seeing him as early as 9 a.m., and a little before 11 a.m., his wife texted him and said he'd been out there long enough, according to NBC.

See the video here.

What do you think, my dears? Do you could ever forgive a guy for cheating, or do you have a one-strike-you're-out policy? Do you think this husband's punishment fit the crime? It's almost like a scarlet letter!

source: http://shine.yahoo.com

Secrets of Couples

2009-08-31T20:08:00.001+08:00

Secrets of Couples Who Have Lots of Sex

Take your get-frisky frequency from every-so-often to off-the-charts with these way simple tricks...you won't believe life could be this lusty.

There are couples who have sex pretty often — say, a good three times a week. Then there are those twosomes who burn up the bedsheets so regularly, you have to wonder: How do they do it? They have full-time jobs, maybe a couple of kids and only 24 hours in the day, just like the rest of us. And yet somehow, their desire to get down and dirty manages to transcend these major time and energy (not to mention libido) drains. What's their secret?

Well, we talked with some of these extra-passionate pairs and found that the "tricks" that allow them to squeeze so much sex into their schedules are so insanely simple, we just had to pass the info on. Try their advice, and pretty soon you'll find that your day is full of opportunities to tear your clothes off. What's more, you'll get the passion humming between you and your guy 24/7 — and what couple wouldn't want that?

Secret #1: Assign a sex quota

When you're both juggling a billion things — work, kid's piano recital, calling the plumber — finding the time for a little lovin' can be the last thing on your mind. So to ensure it not only gets penciled in but takes top billing, steal Eliza's trick and give yourselves a weekly sex goal. "Seven years and two kids into our marriage, we became consumed by the chaos of daily responsibilities and let sex slide," says the 34-year-old. "We knew it was crucial to find time to be intimate, but a stock Friday-night-sex-date idea felt too contrived, so we created a variation: Every Monday we pick a random number and have to have sex that many times before the week ends. If three days go by with zero action, we know we've got to make up the time fast. For instance, the other day, while the kids were in the backyard with their grandmother, my husband called me into the garage to help him 'organize a shelf.' But when I got there, he grabbed me and pulled me into the backseat of the car. He said he had no choice since we needed to get busy to make the quota."

Secret #2: Crank up your doing-it drive

Carnal connoisseurs never sit around waiting for the mood to strike — they make the mood strike. Sasha, 36, got sick of holding out for her libido to spring into action: "I thought that desire was supposed to wash over me," she says. "But waiting for that to happen in the midst of dealing with the rest of our lives meant sex was becoming a very rare event." Now, whenever she and her husband have a window of opportunity, Sasha jump-starts her libido with some X-rated thoughts. "I reminisce about the last time my husband and I had great sex — his touch, his breath on my skin, his sweet murmurings in my ear," she says. "By focusing on my sexiest memories, I'll bring myself to a fired-up state that often leads us into bed."

Secret #3: Take turns giving and receiving

"My husband and I have different schedules, so we're not always boiling over with energy at the same times," says Heather, 39. "So we decided that when he's raring to go and I'm utterly beat, he can become the sexual ringmaster for the night. I'll lie back and let him turn me on: There are times when I literally don't raise a finger and just enjoy the ride. It's guilt-free because he knows he'll get the favor returned another night."

If, like Heather, you make a deal with your man that you'll trade off take-charge roles, you'll double the number of your sexcapades and keep your partnership brimming with erotic energy no matter how tired you are. "Think of all those times you bagged the idea because one of you was too pooped," points out Heather. "We're so much happier now because we're making an effort to keep the thrills coming."

Secret #4: Rejigger your carnal clock

If you keep sex relegated to the dud time slot between the 10 o'clock news and passing out on the pillow, it's gonna suffer. Ditch the restricting notion that sex is a bedtime ritual, and suddenly you'll discover lots of little daily openings to do it in. "Our best sex is the five-thirty fling, when my husband and I both get home from work," says Jenny, 34. "Stripping off each other's work clothes is so hot that we both spend the afternoon looking forward to it." Happy hour isn't the only prime time to pounce. Weekend afternoons or midmornings, first thing pre-work...the totally satisfied set never discriminates. "Seven in the morning is the only time we have to ourselves, so that's when we get it on," says Anne, 37. "I swear, we've gone from once-a-weekers to sexaholics."

Secret #5: Have a titillating soundtrack

Music has a way of altering people's moods in an instant, so it comes as no surprise that the right CD could steer you straight to the bedroom. Rachel, 33, knows exactly what to play to pump up the passion. "During our honeymoon, my husband and I had awesome sex to Prince," she says. "Now when we hear it, we both get that sly twinkle in our eyes. To make sure we do it often, one of us will play it as a clear sign that we're about to, um, make music together. It's kept our marriage just as passionate as it was when we first tied the knot."

Secret #6: Consider sex a cure-all

Excuses, excuses — it's so easy to find reasons to put off slipping into the sack. You're exhausted. You're stressed. You're annoyed and bickering over something silly. Stop right there and consider what sexy sirens know all too well: that doing the deed can actually alleviate exhaustion, stress and tension — the very things that are supposedly keeping you from getting down in the first place! Once Alix, 33, realized that having sex would energize her rather than drain her, she found plenty of opportunities to use a little lovin' for an energy boost. "I used to always succumb to exhaustion when I was home," she says. "But now, when I'm tired, instead of shrugging off my husband's seduction attempts, I'll tell myself, 'Just do it — you'll be glad you did afterward.'" And she always is. "It's taken our lovemaking frequency from so-so to nearly every day," she says. "It's so great to think of sex as a way to connect and feel calmer rather than just another thing on my to-do list."

Secret #7: Be passionate...all day

Doing-it dynamos don't reserve their libidinous fervor just for the bedroom. These people live sexually, adding spice to everyday activities. As a result, they develop a heightened sense of desire, which makes them crave sex 24/7. "I consciously add some zing to all different little areas in my life," says Amanda, 35. "I do things like wear silky undies, buy myself an ice cream cone and eat it really suggestively or take the most luxurious shower before work with all sorts of scrubs and creams. They keep that erotic energy in me at a constant hum. Plus, they're all subtle activities that don't require hiding from my daughters."

Of course, you want him to be buzzing with sexual electricity too. "I do things in the morning that get him lusting after me," says Diana, 34. "A stretch while I'm getting dressed, where I raise my arms, arch my back and stick my chest out in front of him, does wonders. Calling out to him from the shower to bring me a towel gives him dirty ideas too. I give him an eyeful that he reruns in his mind all day. Sex is inevitable that evening."

Secret #8: Don't saddle sex with tons of work

Passionately prolific couples have a philosophy: Frequent sex, no matter what kind, is an absolute must. So if sex sometimes has to be a quickie — a.k.a. a fast-and-furious romp without romantic trimmings — so what? It's still good sex. "You have to go with the moment," advises Elizabeth, 38. "If the kids are coming home from school in 20 minutes, don't try to light a bunch of candles and dig out your Al Green album. This is when you nab the window of opportunity and jump on each other. It's done wonders for our sex life."

source : http://www.redbookmag.com

How to Control Jealousy

2009-08-30T07:30:00.000+08:00

Darwin believed it was our body's attempt to ward off competition for mates and protect our offspring. Psychologists often describe it as a close cousin to madness. Whatever its origins, romantic jealousy [1] is often has no basis in reality and makes us feel like we've totally lost it. Not fun. Good thing we're capable of higher reasoning! How to put that thinking brain (and a few shallow quick-fixes) to use to get the jealous beast inside of you under control.

Power of Positive Thinking

You may not be able to control a jealous attack, but you can—with some concentrated effort—redirect the thoughts to a happier place. Psychologist Ayala Pines, author ofRomantic Jealousy [2], recommends concentrating on recent happy times—"like, some loving thing your partner has done recently or of something wonderful that has happened that made you feel great about yourself." It's not a permanent fix, but may keep you from dumping your glass of pinot in that other woman's face.

Get a Second Opinion

Before dissing my partner a jealous-fueled rant, I always call my best friend for a reality check. She does the same. Recently, her boyfriend took a female friend out to dinner on the friend's birthday, just the two of them on a Friday night! I told her that I didn't think he was interested in the woman, otherwise he wouldn't be so flagrant about taking her out, but that it's normal to feel jealous. Then, I told her that I was jealous my boyfriend wanted to hang out with his friends two nights in a row. We decided I'd boarded the crazy train and should keep this one to myself.

Own Your Jealous Freak

A friend of mine, Denise, 28, was recently convinced her boyfriend and his cute coworker [3], had snuck off to a hotel [4] during their lunch hour. But because she felt un-entitled to the way she was feeling ("I knew I was being insane"), she pretended to be okay with their friendship. For folks with jealous tendencies, I entreat you: stop pretending you're not a jealous person. It ends up just bubbling up and exploding. A better method for coping is to start asking lots of questions about the situation/person that has triggered your jealousy. What does she look like, is he attracted to her, what do they talk about? In time, you may be able to ask these questions without sounding accusatory. Baby steps.

Meet the Competition

It's funny how when we imagine our partners running off with someone else, the other person is the most perfect human being in God's creation. These delusions can be remedied through fairly simple means: meet the other person. A former girlfriend of mine was always talking about her coworker, who shared my name, so I had her ask the coworker out to drinks with us. Boy was I relieved to find see she looked like an ogre. Of course, if the person is really hot and cool, you might want to skip to Find Her Flaws. Fyi, Pines says that work-related jealousies are the most common in relationships today.

Find Her Flaws

This is not the most enlightened piece of advice, but a great way to tamper a jealousy attack is to silently, privately study the other person until you identify a flaw to latch onto. "There are a ton of gorgeous people in the world and my boyfriend is good at befriending them," says Kari, 23. "So to make myself feel better I focus on the less than glowing characteristics of the girl—and before long I notice she kinda has horse teeth or hear that she has a degree at a community college or something like that."

Get a Life

Until a few years ago, I dumped everything into my relationships. I had few friends or hobbies outside of work and my partner. (Lame, I know) I got jealous constantly because losing my partner was a very real threat to my well-being. Somewhere along the way, I got very busy (potentially self-absorbed) and now I am just as invested in my job, my band, and my friends as I am my relationships. And voila! I'm less prone to jealousy because I'm just as likely to be the one meeting new people and choosing to do things outside of the relationship.

Steal the Secret of Therapists

Therapists use a process called "flooding" to treat jealousy, but—shhhhh—you can do it at home for free. Set aside an hour to think about the thing or person that is triggering your jealousy and avoid thinking about it at any other time. Make sure your cell is off and there are no other interruptions. Using props—mySpace pictures, that email you found—that create your most intense jealous aches, let your mind "flood" with those feelings. Repeat the process for two or three days, and believe it or not your jealous impulses actually begin to dull and eventually disappear.

Develop a Cheating Survival Plan

As the Eliot Spitzer [5] and John Edwards [6] sex scandals demonstrated, we can be pretty hysterical about cheating and often see it as the de-facto end of a relationship. But, most of us will cheat or be cheated on (it's happened to me twice, and I've committed it twice), and it's not a bad idea to discuss if you can get through it ahead of time. Carolyn, 31, says "My boyfriend and I agree that sleeping with one person for the rest of your life is a little unrealistic and unrelated to what it takes to make a relationship work. So, we've talked about what would happen if we slept with someone else once, and now I think we could get past it."??

Unpack Childhood Baggage

Dad was a big flirt? Mom was out of the picture? That may explain why you keep dating people that make you feel insecure, says Pines. "A child who did not feel secure in mother's and father's love, or as a teenager witnessed one of the parents being unfaithful to the other, is likely to grow up with a greater predisposition for jealousy," she said. Being aware of childhood issues are the first step towards overcoming jealousy triggers.

Trust Your Instincts

There are, of course, instances where jealousy is serving its purpose, and telling you that your relationship is in danger. When my ex-girlfriend started bringing this college girl around all the time, I felt very uneasy. My gut told me she was interested in the youngin'. My gf cheated on me with college gal a few weeks later and we did not have a cheating survival plan in effect. Of course, usually there are other things off about the relationship in a situation like this, but you get my point. Don't be afraid to trust yourself.

Follow the steps above and you'll have your jealousy in check in no time! At the very least you'll start to understand that jealousy is manageable; envy and possessiveness do not have to rule your life.

by Elizabeth Cline

Source : Your Tango

10 Ways To Keep Love Alive In A Busy Schedule

2009-08-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

by Alanna Webb

Life is what happens when you're not looking, right? Keep your love alive even while coping with the busiest of schedules by picking up a few good habits, making the most of the time you have together.

Don't leave home without it! Kiss your partner before leaving home. Add a hug while you're at it! Two minutes that start your day off right. And, don't forget to kiss them when you come home!

Keep that date! If you don't have a regular date night every week, create one. Don't lose your identity as a couple.

Conserve energy. Shower together and save water. Plus, this is even better than looking in a mirror for keeping those unwanted pounds off.

Give each other a break. When you come home, give each other 30 minutes to unwind quietly and leave work behind.

Return to the table. Eat dinner at the table without TV as a distraction. Play soft music, and really enjoy dinner together.

Don't let chores get in the way. Try to break up chores so you don't end up trying to do everything on the weekend.

Wanna do lunch? Have lunch together once a week. Especially if you have children, this will provide time together without interuptions. On days you can't lunch together, use this time to get some of your errands done.

Prepare the night before. Do you start your day stressed out trying to find clothes that are pressed, getting your family's gear together, etc? Lay out as much as you can the night before so you can actually enjoy breakfast with your partner and family.

Happy Hour. Meet your partner for happy hour instead of driving home in the middle of rush hour. Enjoy this "mini" date.

Don't be a slave to the kitchen. If you are a two-career couple, eat your heavier, more traditional meal at lunch, and eat light at dinner. Not only will this be healthier for you, but it will save you time cooking and cleaning, so you can spend more time doing things you both enjoy.

How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

2009-08-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

[edit]
Steps

Could it be love?
Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies,holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
Or is it lust?
Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust, infatuation and, eventually, pure, true, self-sacrificing love) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

[edit]
Tips

Love is usually pure and a feeling that is mildly possessive but with lots of care, too; infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy; and lust can be known if your "love" shifts easily from one person to another, and lust is usually expressed through short physical/emotional (but mostly physical) relationships.
Love is when you love the whole person (spirit, heart, mind and body), lust is when you only love part of them, which means that you see only part of the person as having value and that the whole person is not valuable.
Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)
Consider what comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, what do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. If you want to be with them, learn about them, and maybe someday have a sexual relationship, you are probably in a good mix of all three.

[edit]
Warnings

If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly, introspect. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?

You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person. Just know that lust is not a GOOD thing when it comes to the interest of only one person in the relationship.

Romantic love is not an "eternal truth of the universe" for all relationships. As a concept, romantic love has only been in practise for a few hundred years. Don't assume that that it is a requirement for a happy life long relationship, or that the most effective environment for finding such love is by dating. You may never feel 'in love' with the person who might be the perfect mate. You might just have someone who you decided you would like to make it work with. 'Love' or 'no love', both types of relationships require work to make them last.

source: wikihow

20 Tips to Keep Love Alive

2009-08-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

by Garry Gamber

Have you ever been at a loss to think of something special that you can do for that special someone in your life? Maybe you want to do a little extra for an important event, like his or her birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, or anniversary.
Here are some excellent tips and ideas of some special actions that you can take to help keep love alive in your life.
1. Give your loved one a top ten list: Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You. (It’s okay to include bonus reasons.)
2. Change the screen saver on the computer to something like “You Are the Light of My Life” in fancy or bold letters.
3. Stick an “I Love You” note on his or her steering wheel while they are at work.
4. Give her the top half of a pair of your pajamas on a cold night.
5. Write a poem for her, even if it is short, and even if you can’t write poems.
6. Bake fortune cookies that contain special “I Love You” messages.
7. Give her a rose for every year you’ve known her.
8. Give him a golf ball for every year you’ve known him.
9. Learn how to say “I Love You” is as many different languages as possible.
10. Reenact the best date the two of you ever had.
11. Put your favorite love note in a frame.
12. Take walks together after midnight.
13. Memorize your favorite love poem.
14. Read the story of Romeo and Juliet to each other.
15. Rent a bicycle built for two and ride in the park.
16. Serenade her with a song, preferably beneath a window.
17. Buy him or her a copy of their favorite magazine.
18. Give her one of her favorite flowers for each year you’ve known her.
19. Write a love letter in a code.
20. Give him or her a t-shirt with their pet name on it.

Maintaining a Healthy and Loving Relationship

2009-08-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

by Michele Germain, LCSW
Most of us want to fall in love, be in love and stay in love and magically live happily ever after... as the story goes. We merge placing our soul in the hands of the other expecting that the relationship will provide all our happiness. We even expect our partner to know exactly what, when and how to provide this.

But fulfilling relationships do not happen automatically and they don't happen when the relationship is driven by a need rather than caring. If the relationship is going to grow we must give it our time and attention. We must each give to the other and not just be focused on what it is that we need. But often the relationship gets puts aside as the daily task of life take over. We barely have time for ourselves with our life schedule, work schedule or kid's schedules, let alone making time to focus on and give to our partner. We become distracted and tension builds up each person feeling that his/her needs for intimacy are not getting met. Each partner is waiting for the other to do something about it.
When a long time has gone by without intimacy, neither one wants to make the first move toward the other. (I call this the big stand off) Reaching out by either person does not take place. I see this so often in my psychotherapy office with couples who have not taken responsibility and brought to the relationship what was needed. What happens then is that there is a great deal to clean up that has been swept under the rug. I have to work at pealing away minor and major conflicts, disagreements, hurts, before I can get to the core problem which is that each person's core need to be loved and cared for is not getting met.

We all recognize that we need to tune up our cars, but we do not think of tuning up our relationships. We take more time with our homes, painting, fixing, redecorating, reconstructing etc. but we do not take the time with our relationships. Tensions then build up.

As with anything we aspire to, the more we put in the more we will get back. Look, for example, at a plant's life. Plants need care in order to survive and grow. They need water, fertilizer, light and air. If we do not give them these essential elements they will wither and die. Relationships are no different, they need certain essential elements in order for them to grow and proper or they too may die on the vine.

Couples need romantic time and fun together, they need a sense of security and commitment, and they need meaningful communication. This will keep the spirit in the relationship and allow each to open to the other to the point where intimacy can occur.

Here are some ways to achieve these essential elements so you can maintain a healthy and loving relationship. Integrate them into your daily life as best you can, but start today.

1) Developing romantic and fun time together. Set up your schedule to include time together. Be realistic with the amount of time your set aside. It is very important to be consistent. If you only have one hour a week, then do not plan a full day. Consistency built trust and connection lays the foundation of a healthy relationship. Both of you need to participate in deciding how and when to spend time together.

2) Developing a sense of security and commitment. Security is assurance we feel when we know someone is committed to love and values us. It's a sense that whatever conflicts or problems we have we will be fully committed to finding the solution and working together in partnership. We show our affection in little ways throughout the day with a phone call from the office or a hug when our partner returns home, or leaving a loving note on his/her car. Giving complements and expressing gratitude when your partner does something for you as simple as taking the dishes out of the dishwasher goes a long way.

3) Establishing meaningful communication. We do this by being open and honest with who we are and what we feel. We make request instead of demands, we watch our tone, and listen carefully to our partner. We share our hopes and dreams. We do this hopefully from a place of peace rather than a place of fear or blame. We express our ideas and goals for the relationship and our individual goals. We help to empower each other to fulfill our full potential and we work together to fulfill the potential of the relationship. Empowering means that we give encouragement support and believe in the other, maybe before they believe in themselves

Changing your relationship will take discipline, intention and courage. Be patient with yourself, praise yourself for all your efforts and listen to your soul sing. As we love others we are connecting with our true essence and being who we really are. If relationships are based on getting our needs met instead of by caring they are not likely to bring happiness.

How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

2009-07-26T20:55:00.000+08:00

Headlines are filled with stories of men straying when they already have a fabulous woman by their side. Do the headlines have you spooked? Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful.

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn’t the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he’s showered at her place,” offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying “the nose knows” might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. “If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added sex and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy,” Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships: “If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.”

5. He becomes suspicious of you. “If he’s normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom,” says Vranich. “It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.” Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent “How was work today?” queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he’s terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your sex life hasn’t fallen off, that’s no guarantee that he’s faithful. “It’s a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily sexual. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship,” says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

source: Cosmopolitan

BY HOLLY EAGLESON

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

2009-07-23T08:13:00.000+08:00

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

by Katarina Kovacevic

Being in a relationship can sometimes feel like more work than play and there may be days when the bad seems to outweigh the good. But the most important element in a successful relationship is learning how to work through the tough spots. Arguments are inevitable but just because you and your significant other disagree doesn't mean you're doomed for splitsville. We connected with several relationship experts to get their thoughts on what truly makes a healthy relationship.

Dr. Karen Sherman is a relationship psychologist specializing in premarital, on-going and married relationships and she's got this advice to offer couples:

"Make sure you know the skills to have a healthy conflict," she said. "When a couple is able to do this, they can actually have a more intimate relationship." So an argument from time to time can actually be good for a couple. Just don't hit below the belt!

"Never humiliate your partner publicly or throw something back in his or her face that has been offered to you as something private. These can be more a breach to your relationship than an actual affair." Lesson: what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Learn how to keep some elements of your relationship private.

"Do not expect your mate to fulfill all of your needs and take time to understand how your partner's needs are met through words and actions." The "you complete me" scene in Jerry Maguire may have had you sobbing like a sucker but learn how to take care of your own needs and nurture your partners – but don't live for them.

Best-selling author Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil was named by New York Magazine as one of the city's top therapists. She prides herself on saving couples from all types of relationship peril, even adultery, and has a 98 percent success rate for saving relationships. Her tips include:

"Give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to your partner," she said. "Tell them they look good, that you loved the dinner they cooked." Who knew foreplay and wordplay went together so well?

"Try to go to bed at the same time every night," she said. "Even if one of you has to get up later for work."

Ladies and gentlemen, it should come as no surprise. Sex is just as important as communication. Thank you, Dr Weil! "Make sex a priority," she said. "Schedule it in. Take turns developing a sexual adventure for your partner. Use sex as a stress buster!"

Susan Barnes is a relationship expert who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows across the country including Everyday with Rachael Ray and Playboy radio. She specializes in teaching people the art of spiritual romance. She's got this to offer couples"

"Put your partner first," said Barnes. "Put yourself in their shoes and try to think what it's like to be them before making any judgments. Most importantly, trust them." So, the next time you want to go out and party with the girls instead of following through with your set dinner plans, try to think how you'd feel if the tables were turned.

According to Barnes, the language of love comes in many different forms. "There is a fine line between being honest and being cruel. Be honest with kindness and use soft language, don't be brutal." So the next time you're ready to explode, take a step back and reconsider your approach.

"And every night before you go to bed, tell your partner seven things that you are grateful for in your relationship."

"Become unbeatable together. Stay strong together under any circumstance and be each other's rock. You are each other's best friend, lover and confidant. Be loyal to one another and don't let anyone talk bad about your partner."

We've always heard it's important to pick your battles and Barnes definitely agrees. "Stop criticizing and complaining to your partner. If you have complaints try writing them down in a notebook and read them later. You'll be surprised how petty they really are.

Signs Your Ex Is Still Not Over You

2009-07-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

When we remain in contact with an ex, we may sometimes receive hints of attraction from that person that border past friendship. The truth is, we can never truly erase all feelings shared with someone we previously were intimate with. If you're wondering whether your ex still might have feelings for you, here are some signs you may want to look for.

Your ex makes an effort to stay in contact with you.
When your ex is consistently putting effort into maintaining contact, they not only care about you but think of you on a regular basis. Showing genuine interest in your life is a sign they have your well-being at heart, and their desire to stay close means they enjoy your company and welcome your opinion.
You can still rely on your ex when in need of help.
It says a lot if your ex is willing to help you when you most need them. Of course, that doesn't mean they should be willing to help you every time you have even the tiniest problem, but knowing they have your back when you really need them tells you they still hold you close to their heart.
Your ex envisions you in their future.
When your ex talks of the future and assumes you'll still play a role close to them, it could be a sign they still hold onto the possibility of getting back together in the future. Of course, it might not mean that, and certainly you shouldn't hold onto false hope. It does mean your ex sees the relationship between the two of you as special, and they should not be ditched just because of a bad break up.
Your ex still sends you a card or present during special holidays.
This is a fairly big clue that they are still not over you, especially if their present is something meant to be used or worn. Why? Because if they want you to use something they gave you, it means they don't want you to forget them. If their fear is that you'll forget about them, then clearly they still think you're very important in their life.
Your ex has brought up your past relationship in a positive light.
Your ex might also bring up certain regrets relating to your relationship. As long as they are NOT intoxicated while they're reminiscing about the past, it could be a sign they are testing your reaction to this. First to see if you still indeed care, and second to see if you care as much as they do about you.

The more these signs are evident in your relationship, the more likely your ex is still not over you. However, simply going off these clues alone will not be good enough to know for sure if your ex has romantic feelings for you. The best way to be sure in that case is simply to ask them yourself. It's also a good idea to look at why it is you want to know how they feel in the first place. If you find yourself showing similar signs as above, ask yourself if you still have feelings for your ex. If not, then is it possible they might not either?

by Katie W.

About the Author

Katie W. is the host of True Love Returns, where she maintains the How to Get Your Love Back e-course. Her goal is to help people save their relationship and reunite with past love.

The Steps To Breaking Up

2009-06-28T21:17:00.000+08:00

The Steps To Breaking Up

When you need to do it, do it with as little pain as possible!
by Jennifer Good

Just the words, break up, indicate a situation riddled with impending pain and loss. Even if both parties involved agree it is in their best interests to part romantic ways, there is still a certain amount of loss attached. The best way to approach a break up is to offer the person, to the best of your ability, a clean and clear separation. While there is no definitive way to do this, hear are a few guidelines that may help you.

#1 - Specific Reasons

Don't let them wonder what went wrong. Give them the exact specific reason why you want to break up. It will give them an opportunity to really evaluate what they've done to contribute to the demise of the relationship, and hopefully apply their knowledge to their next one.

#2 - Where To Do It

If you think they will be terribly upset, try a public place that will afford you some privacy, but will deter your partner from possibly "acting up." If at all possible, try to do it some place you can be alone to really talk things through. Avoid places that contain happy memories from your relationship. You don't want to spoil them.

#3 - How To Do It

While following guideline #1 is important, you also want to make sure you are not damaging their ego either. Make it clear to them that the relationship isn't working for you both because you expect different things from the relationship, or that you've reached a line that you don't feel you can cross back over. Take extra care in your choice of wording, but never lie.

#4 - After The Break Up

Your first meetings after a break up can be strained, at best. If you don't feel you'll be comfortable being around them until your emotions are more under control, try a cold turkey break up. Agree neither of you will have contact with each other for an agreed amount of time. Make sure you agree on the set amount of time during the break up process, or the ideal of remaining friends after may diminish.

Your other option is to try a sliding scale approach. Agree to only call or see each other once or twice a week, and slowly narrow it down from there. Agree not to talk about certain things like wishing you were back together, or whether you are seeing anyone new, etc.

If you must remain in contact with them because of school, work or family it is important to remain mature about the situation. Don't run out and date everyone. Allow your partner some breathing room and time to digest their newly found situation. Also, avoid gossiping about what went wrong. It just makes everything ugly.

#5 - Trial Separation

If you are unsure about wanting a permanent break up, try a trial one instead. To signify your commitment to trying to work things out, arrange an agreed upon dating schedule with your partner, maybe once a week. Arrange for the exact dates and times when you are asking for the separation!

Remember, no matter how you do it, or what you say, if you are completely honest with yourself and your partner you both will be able to move on and grow from your experience. Like the common phrase says, "If it was meant to be, it will be."

What are your thoughts?

Share your thoughts, ideas or experiences about this article topic! send some comments

How to Be a Great Husband

2009-06-21T09:28:00.000+08:00

Balancing the load

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife, every marriage is different. But, there aresome common issues that many married couples face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband..

[edit]
Steps

Be romantic. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
- Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your partner wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
- Treat your partner like they're single, like you're trying to earn their affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done with.
- There are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways.
Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Let her know it is much more than just sex. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women. Don't use sex to apologize. Apologize first, then see what happens!
Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment.Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It's not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both be better off.
Don't brush your wife off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
Communicate. Do not talk their ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, they are made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you're talking to them. If you ask them a question, ask them because you really want to know. For example, ask them what type of movies they enjoy, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why they might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells them that they can tell you anything. Make them feel safe.
Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to them when you are out window shopping, and if there is something they like, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise them with it when they least expect it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell them you were thinking of them when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive--a book you know they will like, or a CD of their favourite band are nice gestures.
Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up "100" percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on or phoney.
Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half".
Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.
Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.

[edit]
Tips

When she's upset, listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it, and don't get defensive. Just listen, and show her that you are trying to understand. If she is upset with you, don't just try to give her a hug like nothing happened. If you approach her like you understand what she is saying, that you will try harder (really mean it), and that it will be alright she will be willing to accept your gesture more easily.
Don't try to "fix" everything. Men are fixers, but women don't want us to fix everything. They sometimes need to do that themselves and just need you to listen.
Husbands and Wives live together but make sure you spend enough quality time together. This means laughing, talking, just having fun together. Make her see that wherever you are you feel like home when you are with her.
Praise your wife in public, but if you notice something you'd like to comment on, please find a private moment. Don't criticize! Make concerns known in a diplomatic positive way. It is VERY important to women about how they look to other people. Do Not make her look like the "bad guy" or that there is something you don't agree with(even if there is). The appropriate time to discuss those matters is when it is just the two of you, not in front of people when she will be embarrassed. In public make sure everyone around you knows she is your girl! Hold hands whenever possible, kiss, hug, a tap on the butt, etc. To her you are letting everyone know you're off the market.
Be aware that she may not perceive love the same way you do. Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, Verbal Affirmation, and Acts of Service are the different "Love Languages" you and your wife might have -- make sure you find out what hers is, and speak her "love language"!
Discuss your financial dreams together and research and plan to achieve them together.
Tell her what you think, don't assume she knows. When you think she looks nice, tell her, when you are thinking you are lucky for having her, tell her. She does not assume these thing to be true & needs to be reminded often.

[edit]
Warnings

Do not go overboard. A great husband is not an obsessive or smothering one.
Some women need more attention than others.Some would rather hang out with their friends, While other's the husband is their best friend.

source: wikihow

10 Things You Don't Know About Attraction

2009-06-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

There are some surprising — and kinda crazy — factors that come into play when choosing a mate or even just a hookup. Like his belly button and the color of your clothing. Intrigued? Read on...

1. Your Nose Should Be Part of Foreplay
The blend of lavender and pumpkin turns guys on. But, you don’t have to bake a pie and douse yourself in lavender oil. You can create the combination by lighting two candles or spraying these scents on your neck. Oh, and tell your guy to spritz on a cologne with hints of cucumbers or black licorice, since those smells were found to arouse women.
Source: Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago

2. Guys Find Women in This Color More Desirable
A chick in red is more likely to be asked on a date and have more money spent on her. It’s because men are influenced by cultural symbols - like Valentine’s Day - that associate the color with romance, and primal instincts that link the color with sex. Maybe that’s why the butts of some animals turn red when they are ready to mate.
Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

3. Cocktail Goggles Are for Real
When we’re drunk, guys look cuter because we don’t notice the asymmetry of their face. The biological explanation: A symmetric guy is less likely to have genetic defects and makes a better mate.
Source: Journal of Psychopharmacology

4. Men Do This When They’re into Someone
A man will subconsciously position his belly button toward the woman in the room he is most attracted to — even if he’s speaking with someone else. (Suss out your competition by checking out which women are pointing their belly buttons at him, since the rule applies to chicks as well!)
Source: Janine Driver, body language expert

5. It’s All About Timing
One week you might be craving that beefy guy at the gym, but the next week you have the hots for the slender guy next door. This could be because ovulating women prefer men with masculine features, who would make the strongest, healthiest children. Meanwhile, menstruating women want men with softer, more feminine looks who seem kinder and more cooperative.
Source: Nature Journal

6. Stress Equals Sexual Attraction
A guy in a high-anxiety or stressful situation is more likely to take a chance on you. Researchers set out to see how adrenaline and risk played into attraction by putting a woman on both a shaky and stable bridge. The study found that men who crossed the unstable bridge were more likely to ask out the same woman afterward than those men who crossed a steady bridge. It’s because conditions of high stimulation heighten sexual attraction.
Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

7. Size (of His Gut) Matters
You can tell a lot about a guy’s sex drive and fertility before he even drops trou. Men with broad shoulders and a solid chest have a lesser health risk, making them better mates. Meanwhile, guys with a gut have lower levels of testosterone. Low testosterone leads to a lower sex drive and lower fertility.
Source: Harry Fisch, MD, and Kara Baskin, authors of Size Matters

8. A Sign It Could Be Long-Term Love
If you and your guy’s mom look alike, there’s a good chance it’ll work out between you two. Guys are more likely to pair up with women whose bone structure is similar to their own mothers. It’s called “sexual imprinting,” and suggests that the faces we find appealing as adults are determined in childhood.
Source: Proceedings of the Royal Society B

9. The 5/15 Rule
If a dude touches you 5 times in 15 minutes, you are totally in. A man will find excuses to put his hands on you to see how you respond. He might touch your arm, tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, or play with your necklace. If you tighten up and freeze, he’ll know to back off.
Source: Bryn Drescher, Body Language Institute

10. This Move Means He’s Smitten
When a guy mirrors your moves, he’s subconsciously telling you he’s interested in you. Sitting the same way as you, doing the same hand motions, and leaning his head in the same direction are all subtle cues that he’s attracted. And if he licks his lips after you lick yours, it’s a definite sign of desire.
Source: A. Kelly-Anderson, PhD, American Psychological Association

source: Cosmopolitan
Find this article

A Romantic Evening at Home for Mom and Dad

2009-05-16T08:23:00.000+08:00

by Brenda Hyde

We become parents, and take on the responsibility of raising and caring for our children. This is a special task with hardships, and yet wonderful rewards. But, what happened to those two people who met and fell in love? Did you turn into Mama and Daddy with no hope of another romantic evening alone? Of course not! You just need to change your perspective and get those creative juices flowing. It's Valentine's Day, you don't have a reliable baby-sitter and money is tight. What can you do?

The Plan

There is life alone for parents, and it happens after the children are in bed. The key to planning your romantic evening is thinking ahead and getting everything into place. Dad visits the video store earlier in the afternoon to rent a movie you both agree on. Shopping for your romantic meal (yes, just for the two of you) is done ahead of time. Keep everything simple and the meal light. The romance comes when you are both relaxed and not putting expectations on each other. The children are in bed, and you now have first names other than Mom and Dad.

The Meal

These are recipes and tips for a light meal that you can enjoy cooking together. You will find sharing the meal preparation, even if do not you usually share the cooking, to be the beginning of your romantic evening as you accomplish something special together.

The Main Dish:

Shrimp Scampi Noodles

1 1/2 cups wide noodles, uncooked

1/3 cup butter

1 clove garlic minced

1/4 tsp. dried basil

1/2 pound fresh shrimp, shelled and deveined

2 tsp. fresh lemon juice

salt and pepper to taste

1 tsp. fresh parsley, chopped

Fresh lemon wedges

Cook noodles according to directions; drain. Meanwhile in large skillet over low heat, melt butter, add garlic and basil. Cook 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Add Shrimp; cook, stirring constantly until shrimp turn pink, about 3-4 minutes. Sprinkle with lemon juice, salt and pepper; stir in parsley. Toss hot noodles with sauce. Serve with lemon wedges. Serves 2.

Note: If you wish, you can substitute boneless, kinless chicken. It will take longer to cook, perhaps 10-15 minutes if you cut into smaller chunks before adding to your skillet.

The Salad and Bread:

Remember, you want to keep your meal very light. Since it's just the two of you, a simple idea is to buy a salad kit from the produce section. Most kits come with croutons and dressing. A Caesar variety would be very good with this dish. Also, you

can pick up a loaf of French bread, a baguette or two croissants from the bakery section and serve with butter.

The Dessert:

Pots de Creme

This is a rich dessert that can easily be made in the morning or anytime during the day. It does need to chill several hours.

1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, broken into pieces

1/2 cup light cream

1/3 cup sugar

1 egg yolk, slightly beaten

1 tablespoon butter, softened

1/2 tsp. vanilla

Whipped cream topping

Combine chocolate pieces and cream in medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly with wire whisk, until chocolate flecks disappear and mixture is hot. Add sugar and continue cooking and stirring until mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat; gradually add to beaten egg yolk, stirring constantly. Stir in butter and vanilla. Pour into pretty bowls or glasses, cover with plastic wrap directly on surface of chocolate, Chill several hours or until set. Garnish with whipped topping.

The Rest of the Evening

The key to your whole evening is remaining flexible and not putting expectations on each other or the circumstances. If one of the children wake up, even several times, take turns getting them back to sleep. If it's getting late, then eat your meal in the living room while watching your movie! Put down a nice blanket and turn your meal into a picnic. Remember to keep your sense of humor as a parent and a partner. The extras are up to you. You may want to add candles, a nice bottle of wine or sparkling grape juice! You need to get to know each other again as romantic partners, and in turn it will help you become better, loving parents raising your children together as a couple.

Managing Jealousy In An Open Relationship

2009-05-13T19:58:00.000+08:00

by Annsley Chapman

Depending on your uniquely calibrated emotional Richter scale, jealousy can register as a blip or an earthquake. Some people thrill from the fierce possessiveness that jealousy elicits, while others bristle at what they perceive as a lack of trust. Most experts agree that jealousy is a natural reaction that, when exacerbated, can quickly result in irrational, damaging behavior. While people in monogamous relationships grapple with their fair share of insecurity, jealousy in open relationships can assume complex, surprising forms. Many non-monogamous partners feel unnecessarily stigmatized and guilty during bouts of jealousy—there's that saying about heat and a kitchen for a reason, right?

Not quite. Wendy-O Matik, author Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships [1] and spokesperson for non-monogamous couples [2], says most people feel some jealousy regardless of the structure of their relationships. Phew! With that in mind, here are five steps to keep couples sane and happy during an attack of the green-eyed monster.

1. Lose the Stigma

People living in open relationships often feel guilty and disappointed in themselves for being vulnerable to jealousy. Jealousy can seem like a personal failure or compromising agent because, hey, you signed up for a relationship that allows you both to date other people. "People in non-monogamous relationships can feel pressured to deny or bury their jealousy just because they think it's wrong to feel that way," Matik says. "Instead, we should say, 'Yep, I'm jealous, and it feels really awful.' Denying it, of course, will just make it get worse."

2. Set Down Guidelines

"Open" doesn't necessarily translate to "no rules." Articulate boundaries so that both you and your partner know the limits to each other's permissiveness. Maybe it's okay to spend the weekend with someone else, but the primary pair should be home Sunday night. A couple might insist on always sleeping in the same bed at the end of the night, or being able to meet a partner's new love interest first. If guidelines are laid down in the beginning, there's less opportunity to accidentally snag a jealousy trip wire.

3. Know How to Take Care of Yourself

Matik emphasizes the necessity of personal responsibility and self-soothing activities in open relationships. "We can't expect our partners to take care of all our needs—everyone needs a way to calm themselves down. Maybe your plan is to call your best friend, or take a hot bath, or rent a funny movie; but you have to know how to deal with jealousy without leaning on your partner all the time." As in all healthy individuals, the ability to cope with jealousy demands a personal wellspring of confidence that doesn't hinge on your partner's love.

4. Reassurance

Declarations of jealousy should always be met with respect and understanding—ignoring or belittling someone else's fears will only magnify them. And while soothing words might blunt jealousy's edges during face-to-face time, verbal promises can fall flat when during a period of separation. Couples who make frequent gestures to express their commitment—doing small favors, staying sexually active and creative, sticking to date nights, honoring boundaries—will be better equipped to date other people and still feel secure in their primary relationship.

5. The Up-Side to Jealousy

Matik views jealousy as a "guidepost emotion"—where an exploration of its causes can yield deeper self-awareness. "Someone who gets jealous when their partner leaves for a date might discover it's because of an abandonment issue they had as a child, which is a situation that happened long before they met their partner. As soon as someone knows why they feel jealous, they're less likely to feel afraid." Pinpointing the rational roots of a frequently irrational emotion can often squelch the worst elements of jealousy—paranoia, lack of perspective, alienation, and co-dependency. Set aside time for personal reflection, schedule an appointment with a therapist, or simply bring it up with your partner.

All relationships—but especially open relationships—might do well to expect jealousy as inevitable but surmountable, human but certainly not invincible. Matik, one of the most prominent members of the non-monogamous community, writes off the idea of a perfect, jealousy-free union. "Jealousy will probably happen at some point. It doesn't mean there's something wrong or flawed with the relationship. What matters is that we love each other more than we dislike the things that make us jealous."

Source : http://www.yourtango.com

He Cheated: Do You Take Him Back or Dump Him?

2009-05-10T02:11:00.000+08:00

Admit it. Right after the shock of finding out that John Edwards had betrayed his wife with another woman, your first thought was, “Would I take my guy back if he did that?” While your knee-jerk reaction is probably to send him packing, experts say there are some situations in which he just might deserve a second chance. Read on to find out when to forgive and forget, and when you should just forget him.

Right Before a Major Transition

Moving in together or getting engaged are relationship landmarks that are supposed to cement your bond. But the reality is, many guys react to these big steps by taking a step back and straying. “When a man feels his sense of freedom slipping away, he may cheat,” explains Scott Kudia, PhD, author of If This is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? “It’s very common for a normally faithful guy to panic and do something stupid before some sort of commitment.” Strangely enough, his actions often signify that he’s serious about his future with you. “The reason he cheated to begin with is that he believes you two are going to be together for a long time,” says Kudia. “He views it as his one last hurrah.” This isn’t a get-out-of-jail-free card, though. Make him apologize and grovel. Then move on, knowing that this type of cheater usually doesn’t slip up more than once.

He Fesses Up ASAP

Of all the ways a woman can discover a philanderer, one of the least common is hearing it from the horse’s mouth. “Guys almost always keep these sorts of things a secret,” says Kudia. “The fact that he’s confessing is a huge sign. And a very good sign. View it as a cry for help.” He doesn’t want to do it again, and his way of ensuring that is by getting you to lay down the law. So, play police officer, girl. Set some guidelines and — this is important — enforce them. If he’s distraught enough over the hook-up to spill, the guy probably values you and the relationship enough to make it work.

It’s a Total Aberration

We’re going to put this bluntly, so put on your big-girl pants: The guy who’s perfect for you might cheat on you. Yes, even the most amazing, flower-sending, call-returning, make-your-friends-jealous boyfriends have been known to stray. “Slip-ups happen, but the good news is that when they truly are slip-ups, they’re survivable,” says William July, PhD, author of Confessions of an Ex Bachelor. In order to salvage your twosome, it’s important to resist the urge to get revenge, make him angry, or get anxious every time he doesn’t call, according to July. If you’re capable of forgiving him and moving on, do just that. After all, it was a mistake, not his relationship MO. Bottom line: give the boy a second chance. As long as he doesn’t do it again (ever, ever, ever) and he goes back to being that practically perfect boyfriend, don’t you think he’s worth it? We do.

He’s Going Through a Tough Time

You know how when you feel stressed, you deal by watching trashy TV with a pint of Ben & Jerry's? Or surrounding yourself with 17 of your closest friends? Well, some men handle it by straying. “Guys are more likely to cheat when under great stress, because they have fewer tools in their emotional tool belt,” says July. “Their self-expression is often limited to anger and sex.” It sounds a bit counterintuitive, but if things are going well between you two, he is more likely to hook up with another woman when things get rough in other parts of his life. The reason? “He may not want to burden you with his problems,” explains Kudia. Ensure that it’s a one-time occurrence by letting him know two things: 1) You won’t judge him or think less of him if he gets fired or screws up at work or does anything else that threatens his ego. And 2) If he does it again, it’s O-V-E-R.

He was Drunk and It Wasn’t Emotional

Ah yes, the “It Doesn’t Count if I Was in a Different Country/Zip Code/Bar” excuse. He takes a few too many shots, temporarily forgets he is attached, and makes out with whatever girl is at arm’s length in the bar. Not cool. But also, not the worst thing that can happen. “This type of guy is immature, but he’s not necessarily an innate cheater,” explains Kudia. And luckily for you, most boys grow out of immaturity (whereas a natural-born cheater will seldom change his ways.) “Many young, college-age men don’t understand the importance of a relationship,” says Kudia. “They take their girlfriends for granted until something catastrophic happens.” When catastrophe strikes, be hard on him and tell him you won’t stick around if he doesn’t shape up and grow up. Most of the time, a healthy dose of reality is enough to straighten out an “immature cheater.”

Break it Off!

Five times to kick a cheater to the curb.

He got it on with an ex. Going back for seconds with an old girlfriend could mean he wants to get back together with her.
It was a full-fledged affair. Text messages. Secret email account. "Business" trips. This is not a slip-up. It's a double life.
He didn't apologize. We're not suggesting flowers and groveling will get him off the hook. But a total lack of remorse means he just doesn't care.
You two just started dating. The beginning of a relationship is when people show their best selves. If this is his best, you deserve better.
He's a repeat offender. A serial strayer is unlikely to change his was. Don't waste your time trying.

Find this article at: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/syndication/he-cheated-now-what

Are You In Control?

2009-04-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

agree those are the best signs to letting you know you're in a controlling relationship. I can testify to some of those things because I went through quite a few things with my first and I grew very tired of dealing with this guy very fast. All I have to say is Ladies and Gentlemen if you are in this type of relationship, please get out of it fast because that person is not going to change. There is much better out there for you and if someone loves you they are not going to harass you to do things you're not comfortable with and they're going to treat you as if you were the best thing to ever happen to them and of course no one needs that extra stress on them, because we all know life itself throws enough curve balls to us all. You need someone who's going to comfort you not make you feel low.

In your relationship or marriage are you in control or are you being controlled?

We all have freedom of choice the last time I checked. We have the freedom to choose who we date, what job we have, what we do in daily life, who we marry, etc. But somehow we get in these awful relationships where our significant other controls a lot of what we do. Sometimes we don't realize it's happening at all or we just don't want to acknowledge it.

Not a lot of people are a big fan of being single, so you meet a really great guy or gal and things are going great until they become comfortable. The true colors always come out when one person becomes too comfortable with the other. Here are some signs that you are probably in a controlling relationship and need to RUN FOR THE HILLS!

They says they will dump you if you don't do this (fill in blank) so you do it.
You ask them if your allowed to go with your friends somewhere.
You ask if you brushed your teeth good enough for them.
You ask their permission to buy something for yourself.
You flat out just ask permission for everything because you don't want them to get mad at you.
They are allowed to say or do certain things but you are not allowed.
They make you feel like your not good enough.
They never let you make any choices.
They always turn things they have done wrong back on you, making it out to be your fault.
You are miserable!!!!

source: shine from yahoo

10 Habits of a Loving Couple

2009-04-12T13:15:00.000+08:00

by Alanna Webb

Romance is a way to express your love, the icing on the cake... but don't wait for special occasions to express your love. Make sure that you nurture your loving relationship by practicing these basic habits in your day-to-day life. These may seem very basic, but how many do you do? Don't despair ... it's never too late to adopt good, loving habits. Remember, the more you put into your relationship, the more you gain!

1. Say "I Love You" at least once a day. Your partner does need to hear the words.

2. Kiss good-bye & hello. Throw in a hug while you're at it.

3. "Date" your partner for the rest of your lives. Treat your partner even better than when you were dating... Remember that you are sweethearts:

open her door
straighten his tie
hold out her chair
hold hands when you're walking together

4. Don't sweat the small stuff. You can let his/her bad habits bother you to distraction... or you can accept them, and work around them. Does she leave the cap off the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes... Does he leave clothes laying around? Ignore them, or pick them up, remembering just how much he does for you in other ways. Or, make it easier for your partner to satisfy you... buy several clothes hampers and keep them handy.

5. Concentrate on the positive. Instead of thinking about the ways that s/he lets you down, think of all the positive things about your partner that drew you to them in the first place.

6. Take a breather when you're mad. Don't try to talk when either of you are angry. Take a few minutes to walk around the block, lay down, just get away from each other so you can regroup. A short break will allow you both to stay on track and discuss what's bothering you instead of accidentally making personal insults that you will regret later.

7. Don't use your partner's secrets or weaknesses against them... ever! What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner. Recognize what is important to your partner, and don't discuss it with your friends, mother, his family, anyone! And certainly don't throw the words back at them in an argument. A loving relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting that anyone can have.

8. Think about your partner first. If both of you do this, then you can't help but win! Say "yes" to your partner as often as possible... go to that sports event with him, get him out on that golf course because he loves golf, make life easier for your partner, and hopefully they will do the same for you!

9. R-E-S-P-E-C-T your partner. Don't badmouth your partner to anyone! When you talk about your partner, let your respect and love shine through.

10. Find a way to regroup together every day. Discover what works well for you both... eat a meal together, meet for happy hour drinks, skip Leno at night and just lay in bed in the dark, take a walk around the block, etc. You can even mix things up and vary your routine. If one of you is traveling, call home at night just to hear their voice. The point is to spend time together daily, just talking or breathing the same air, feeling connected.

Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments

2009-03-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

by Thomas Moore

People blame philosopher René Descartes for the modern idea that spirit and body are two separate and antagonistic entities. I don't. I think making this division is an age-old trap. It takes work to see clearly that you need your physical senses to be a spiritual person, and that you need a spiritual acceptance of life's goodness to be profoundly sensual and sexual.

When you finally get body and spirit together—Renaissance writers said you need to be a person of soul to do this—you will discover greater joy in lovemaking. It makes sense: If you are a whole person made up of body, soul, and spirit, when you make love with only your body, you're getting only one third of the sex [1]. Spirit and soul like sex, too, and they add immensely to the pleasure.

It disturbs me to meet so many people for whom sex and spirituality are completely unrelated—or exist as opposites. For those who were brought up in a world where religious [2]influence was nonexistent or plain ineffective, it may be a novel idea to consider that sex can be spiritual. Others, like me, grew up in a war between spirituality and sensuality. In my loving Catholic family, the word "sex" could stop conversations and make everyone freeze in embarrassment. I spent my teen years as a monk and seminarian. I didn't have sex until I was in my late twenties. How I Became A Divorced Virgin [3]

Yet, despite all of this neurotic baggage, I came to enjoy sex as much as I am captivated by spirituality.

In the monastery, I was taught to see spirituality as part of religion. But my later studies opened up a much larger notion.

I discovered from Renaissance authors that any attempt to transcend yourself can be spiritual. You might learn, think, write, converse— all representing the intellectual side of the spiritual. You might play sports and try hard to reach impossible goals. In a stadium full of adoring, out-of-their-skins spectators, you might make a "miracle" play. Sports can be highly spiritual, to the point where athletes sometimes behave like monks, with their austere lives and diets and schedules. Travel [4], too, can be a form of spirituality, a way of expanding your world. The most ordinary journey, even just to the other side of town, can be a pilgrimage.

Researching Greek polytheistic religion also had a strong impact on my views on sex. I discovered that people could imagine their god as being extremely erotic, sensual, and even sexy. Aphrodite was a real deity—worshiped, prayed to, revered. In graduate school I studied this goddess closely, noting the way she was presented in sacred art: taking a bath, slowly disrobing, wearing jewelry, holding a mirror to her face.

I also examined images of the gods erect and full of desire. I read that the greatest of all, Zeus, had a 300-year honeymoon [5]with his wife, Hera, and that his orgasm created the many wondrous things of the world—a striking image of the creative power of sex. India has similar images of divine creative eros. Finally, I read the famous Kama Sutra and was surprised to find that it is not all about sexual positions and preparations. It begins by instructing the reader to get two major aspects of life in order: First, find meaning in your existence.What are your personal laws and needs? What are you called to do? What is your dharma? Second, get your home and career on track. Give your life form. Have a philosophy that can guide you, and apply it to your everyday concerns. Only then will you be ready to learn how to make love. Career And Family: Can We Really Have Both? [6]

I came away from my studies in religion with the knowledge that it is possible to be intensely spiritual and intensely sexual at the same time. There is no contradiction. More than that, I came to believe that if a person's sexuality is not fully accepted, his spirituality will suffer. And vice versa: If his spirituality is not strong, his sexuality will be weak.

From all these sources I developed what I will call the ten erotic commandments. Notice that they are not about physical love as an isolated phenomenon. I think of a human being as always, in every instance, made up of body, soul, and spirit. There is no such thing as purely physical love, because we are more than physical. So, be prepared for a broader notion of what sex is all about.

There are practical steps to go with these "commandments." Realize the importance, men and women, of taking care of your bodies: being clean, smelling nice, dressing well. Pay attention, as well, to what you say, talking with some intelligence and thoughtfulness. Choose the setting and props carefully: good oils, fragrances, linens. Spiritual rituals are always carried out with attention to detail and with beauty. Have an image nearby that captures the union of sex and spirit: a photograph of one of the couples on the Indian temples of Khajuraho or Konorak, for instance, or a picture of blue Krishna with his gopis and his girlfriend Radha.

I have a special love of early Renaissance paintings of the Annunciation, the moment when an angel appears to tell Mary that she is with child by the Holy Spirit. There are hundreds of these paintings, and I always look to see how they depict the spiritual semen, often as a gold stream shooting down from a bird to the uterus of the Virgin. In sex, we make contact with the divine through our partner. The more vision and care that goes into our sexuality, the more it serves as a conduit to the spirit.

Sensuality and spirituality work hand in hand for the benefit of each. You can be so focused on the physical that you have no vision, no ideas, and no values. Everything becomes about the self. But if you have a spiritual life, you are on your way out of narcissism. Nothing is more harmful to good sex than narcissism, which is a neurotic worry about your own value. The only way to deal with narcissism is to love yourself in a calm, unexaggerated way. Spiritual reflection can bring you to that point, and, in fact, spiritual literature is full of advice on how to get the self or ego out of the way. The very attitude that brings you to the pinnacle of spirit is great for your sexuality.

The reverse is also true. If you are a highly sexual and sensual person, your spirituality will be grounded. The greatest danger in the spiritual life is to lose contact with reality. You begin to believe in the most far-fetched things. You think of yourself as better than anyone else, as possessing the one and only truth. Ultimately, you may become too hard on yourself in an effort to be as acceptable and as pure as possible. These are extremes that a good sensual life can tame. (Some people become so negative about the body that they fall victim to anorexia and bulimia, and fascinating studies have been made on the connection between spiritual fasting and eating disorders. I have worked in therapy with people like this and have noticed that their dreams are sometimes full of sensual orgies, telling them, I imagine, where they need to go.) Inner Beauty: What Men Don't Tell You [7]

Spirituality without sensuality tends to be aggressive, even turning mean and punitive. I often contemplate the wonderful painting by Botticelli of Mars and Venus. Most commentators see it as the goddess of love taming the god of war. That painting contains a dynamic that plays out in the hearts and souls of us all. No doubt that there is a close connection between sexual repression and extreme aggression. But even in our more ordinary lives,we might be less depressed and mean-spirited if our spirituality were softened by comfortable and visionary sex.

The more sexual you become, engaging your entire being, the more your sexuality will be a route to the spirit. And when you pursue your spiritual goals in meditation, prayer, and ritual, you should eventually discover the body anew. You will find, as the Sufi teachers often say, that your ultimate lover is God. This is a great mystery, and I don’t mean to be at all disrespectful. But I do think that, in the end, spirituality allows all your experiences—and your entire world—to reveal the intimacy with which the divine presses itself upon you.

THE TEN EROTIC COMMANDMENTS

ETHICS.

The first step in the spiritual life is to move beyond narcissism and self-absorption. This is not a glamorous suggestion, but it is essential: Treat your partner honestly, respectfully, and kindly. It's as simple as that. Spirituality begins in achieving a basic but difficult aspect of maturity—not being selfish. This doesn't mean that you don't take care of yourself and have full satisfaction in your sexual life, but, as the spiritual traditions consistently teach, you can't be happy if those around you are not happy.

PARTNERSHIP.

Sex is a union of persons, not only bodies. You can prepare for sex by being an interesting person, bringing with you your intelligence, culture, ideas, values, and talents. It's one thing to make love with a pretty body and another to be intimate with a real person. You can take time to talk to your partner, maybe at dinner before lovemaking. Don't be afraid to talk about the things that matter. Letting a closely guarded thought emerge can lead to a physical sense of release. If you can’t do this with your dinner partner, then your sex may not be anything special. Which Love Language Do You Speak? [8]

VISION.

A spiritual person has a broad vision. He or she is interested in life, meaning, and the world. Vision is an aspect of transcendence and a reach beyond self. Sex usually begins and ends in conversation [9]. Visionary talk, in contrast to mundane and self-centered chatter, can be vital and erotic.

CONTEMPLATION.

Spirituality benefits from some kind of contemplation or meditation, a stepping outside the ordinary reality. Lovemaking can have a contemplative quality—taking time, allowing yourself to be dreamy, giving in not only to passion but also to the timeless atmosphere of sex. Ecstasy, a word often applied to sexual experience, means "to stand outside," and it doesn’t have to have the swoon factor that people sometimes associate with it. Ecstasy can be a steady, calm progress to a state that is tranquil and otherworldly.

RITUAL.

Sex is as much a ritual as anything done in church or temple. A ritual is an action that speaks primarily to the heart and soul. It doesn't have much practical meaning. Some people like to justify sex by seeing it as a way to make babies or to express love. Obviously it can do these things, but it can also be a ritual that evokes the spirituality of the relationship, long or short, casual or serious. Therefore, the spiritual quality of sex may increase if you pay attention to its ritual aspect: timing, clothing, music, candles, setting, language.

GENEROSITY.

Sex can be virtuous without being repressive or too clean. The great virtue in sex is generosity, the capacity to offer an abundance of feeling, intelligence, and equality to your partner. This doesn't mean surrendering completely or giving away too much, but rather a thoughtful and moderate offering of self. Again, this is a traditional spiritual virtue applied to the special realm of sex.

BEAUTY.

Sex has a lot to do with appreciating the beauty of the human body and the person. You don't have to be a stunner or even pretty or handsome. Fortunately, sexual passion allows us to see the beauty of the body in small elements and gestures. Loving the person also helps, because the beauty of the personality usually gets transferred to the body.

PRAYER.

Prayer takes many forms. Even the monks have said that to work is to pray. You don't have to say formal prayers before sex, but you can bring to it such an appreciation for its power to express love and to make unions that it becomes a prayer.

DEVOTION.

The ancient Greeks and Romans had a keen awareness of the spirituality in sex, which they personified in the goddesses Aphrodite and Venus. An old story is told of pilgrims going by boat to an island where they could venerate a statue of the naked and seductive Aphrodite. For sex to be deeply exciting and engaging, somehow you have to evoke this goddess, the spirit of sex, who makes things happen. As a muse is to an artist— a real and important source of inspiration—so this spirit is to a couple making love.

COMMUNITY.

Spirituality involves reaching beyond the self. Sex is quite private, but a good sex life can help make a good community. One of the results of good sex is joy, pure and simple, an antidote to the often depressive, cynical tone of modern life, with its tendency to dehumanize and make excessive demands. When people have a joyful, positive outlook, they are capable of community.

Thomas Moore is the author of Care of the Soul, Soulmates, and other bestselling books.

What is LOVE?

2009-03-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

... is like standing on the edge of a very dangerous

but breathtaking cliff, you can't decide if

your gonna leave where it's safe,

or you'll just stand there, unmindful of the danger,

because you don't want to lose sight of the view.

History Of Valentine's day

2009-02-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

February has long been a month of romance. It is the month associated with Valentine's Day celebrations. We have, time and again, heard the name St. Valentine being uttered before us in this season of love. But just who is this St. Valentine? Why is this month associated with love and romance? Learn about St. Valentine, how Valentines day came into practice as it is today. The origin of this lovers day goes back as early as 270 A.D and started with the clash between a kindly priest and a mighty ruler. To know more, just read on and discover the true meaning of this festival. If you like our little article about the splendid history of Valentine's Day, just click here and refer this page to your friends and loved ones. Wish you a Happy Valentine!

Every year, the fourteenth day of the month of February has millions across the world presenting their loved ones with candy, flowers, chocolates and other lovely gifts. In many countries, restaurants and eateries are seen to be filled with couples who are eager to celebrate their relationship and the joy of their togetherness through delicious cuisines. There hardly seems to be a young man or woman who is not keen to make the most of the day.

The reason behind all of this is a kindly cleric named Valentine who died more than a thousand years ago.

It is not exactly known why the 14th of February is known as Valentine's Day or if the noble Valentine really had any relation to this day. The history of Valentine's Day is impossible to be obtained from any archive and the veil of centuries gone by has made the origin behind this day more difficult to trace. It is only some legends that are our source for the history of Valentine's Day.

The modern St. Valentine's Day celebrations are said to have been derived from both ancient Christian and Roman tradition. As per one legend, the holiday has originated from the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalis/Lupercalia, a fertility celebration that used to observed annually on February 15. But the rise of Christianity in Europe saw many pagan holidays being renamed for and dedicated to the early Christian martyrs. Lupercalia was no exception. In 496 AD, Pope Gelasius turned Lupercalia into a Christian feast day and set its observance a day earlier, on February 14. He proclaimed February 14 to be the feast day in honour of Saint Valentine, a Roman martyr who lived in the 3rd century. It is this St. Valentine whom the modern Valentine's Day honours.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints by the name of Valentine. While one was a priest in Rome, another was a bishop in Terni. Nothing is known about the third St. Valentine except that he met his end in Africa. Surprisingly, all three of them were said to have been martyred on 14th February.

It is clear that Pope Gelasius intended to honor the first of these three aforementioned men. Most scholars believe that this St. Valentine was a priest who lived around 270 AD in Rome and attracted the disfavor of Roman emperor Claudius II who ruled during this time.

The story of St. Valentine has two different versions - the Protestant and the Catholic one. Both versions agree upon Saint Valentine being a bishop who held secret marriage ceremonies of soldiers in opposition to Claudius II who had prohibited marriage for young men and was executed by the latter. During the lifetime of Valentine, the golden era of Roman empire had almost come to an end. Lack of quality administrators led to frequent civil strife. Education declined, taxation increased and trade witnessed a very bad time. The Roman empire faced crisis from all sides, from the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians from Northern Europe and Asia. The empire had grown too large to be shielded from external aggression and internal chaos with existing forces. Naturally, more and more capable men were required to to be recruited as soldiers and officers to protect the nation from takeover. When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. He believed that marriage made the men weak. So he issued an edict forbidding marriage to assure quality soldiers.

The ban on marriage was a great shock for the Romans. But they dared not voice their protest against the mighty emperor. The kindly bishop Valentine also realized the injustice of the decree. He saw the trauma of young lovers who gave up all hopes of being united in marriage. He planned to counter the monarch's orders in secrecy. Whenever lovers thought of marrying, they went to Valentine who met them afterwards in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. And thus he secretly performed many marriages for young lovers. But such things cannot remain hidden for long. It was only a matter of time before Claudius came to know of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested.

While awaiting his sentence in prison, Valentine was approached by his jailor, Asterius. It was said that Valentine had some saintly abilities and one of them granted him the power to heal people. Asterius had a blind daughter and knowing of the miraculous powers of Valentine he requested the latter to restore the sight of his blind daughter. The Catholic legend has it that Valentine did this through the vehicle of his strong faith, a phenomenon refuted by the Protestant version which agrees otherwise with the Catholic one. Whatever the fact, it appears that Valentine in some way did succeed to help Asterius' blind daughter.

When Claudius II met Valentine, he was said to have been impressed by the dignity and conviction of the latter. However, Valentine refused to agree with the emperor regarding the ban on marriage. It is also said that the emperor tried to convert Valentine to the Roman gods but was unsuccesful in his efforts. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully. This angered Claudius II who gave the order of execution of Valentine.

Meanwhile, a deep friendship had been formed between Valentine and Asterius' daughter. It caused great grief to the young girl to hear of his friend's imminent death. It is said that just before his execution, Valentine asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after. As per another legend, Valentine fell in love with the daughter of his jailer during his imprisonment. However, this legend is not given much importance by historians. The most plausible story surrounding St. Valentine is one not centred on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Christian love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion. Valentine is believed to have been executed on February 14, 270 AD.

Thus 14th February became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its Patron Saint. It began to be annually observed by young Romans who offered handwritten greetings of affection, known as Valentines, on this day to the women they admired. With the coming of Christianity, the day came to be known as St. Valentine's Day.

But it was only during the 14th century that St. Valentine's Day became definitively associated with love. UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of "Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine", credits Chaucer as the one who first linked St. Valentine's Day with romance. In medieval France and England it was believed that birds mated on February 14. Hence, Chaucer used the image of birds as the symbol of lovers in poems dedicated to the day. In Chaucer's "The Parliament of Fowls," the royal engagement, the mating season of birds, and St. Valentine's Day are related:

"For this was on St. Valentine's Day, When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate."

By the Middle Ages, Valentine became as popular as to become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Despite attempts by the Christian church to sanctify the holiday, the association of Valentine’s Day with romance and courtship continued through the Middle Ages. The holiday evolved over the centuries. By the 18th century, gift-giving and exchanging hand-made cards on Valentine's Day had become common in England. Hand-made valentine cards made of lace, ribbons, and featuring cupids and hearts began to be created on this day and handed over to the man or woman one loved. This tradition eventually spread to the American colonies. It was not until the 1840s that Valentine's Day greeting cards began to be commercially produced in the U.S. The first American Valentine's Day greeting cards were created by Esther A. Howlanda Mount Holyoke, a graduate and native of Worcester. Mass. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap". It was when Howland began Valentine's cards in a large scale that the tradition really caught on in the United States.

Today, Valentine's Day is one of the major holidays in the U.S. and has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are "valentine"s. The "valentines", as Valentine's Day cards are better known as, are often designed with hearts to symbolize love. The Valentine's Day card spread with Christianity, and is now celebrated all over the world. One of the earliest valentines was sent in 1415 AD by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife during his imprisonment in the Tower of London. The card is now preserved in the British Museum.

There may be doubts regarding the actual identity of Valentine, but we know that he really existed because archaeologists have recently unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to a Saint Valentine.

source: The Holiday Spot

Everything about LOVE

Money vs Love: Three Rules For Making It Through Tough Times

by Jennifer Good

Eight Steps to Finding True Love

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

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Dating Tips: 8 Habits That Wreck Your Relationship

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If Your Man Cheated, Would You Break Up or Forgive Him?

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Secrets of Couples Who Have Lots of Sex

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10 Ways To Keep Love Alive In A Busy Schedule

How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

[edit]Steps

[edit]Tips

[edit]Warnings

20 Tips to Keep Love Alive

Maintaining a Healthy and Loving Relationship

How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

Headlines are filled with stories of men straying when they already have a fabulous woman by their side. Do the headlines have you spooked? Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful.

BY HOLLY EAGLESON

10 ways to maintain a balanced relationship

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by Katie W.

The Steps To Breaking Up

How to Be a Great Husband

[edit]Steps

[edit]Tips

[edit]Warnings

10 Things You Don't Know About Attraction

There are some surprising — and kinda crazy — factors that come into play when choosing a mate or even just a hookup. Like his belly button and the color of your clothing. Intrigued? Read on...

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10 Habits of a Loving Couple

Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments

What is LOVE?

History Of Valentine's day

[edit]
Steps

[edit]
Tips

[edit]
Warnings

[edit]
Steps

[edit]
Tips

[edit]
Warnings